Still Time to Achieve Your Goals

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man on a mountain looking at the next mountain
Still struggling to achieve your New Year’s Resolution. There is still time. Create a strategy for your gola to nest in.
-Photo by Josh Willink on Pexels.com

Author’s Note: So this was supposed to be a bonus edition. It seems fitting that life interfered with my intention to help those struggling to accomplish their New Year’s Resolutions with this extra February post which ended up later than planned. As advised below, I simply continued and accomplished the task. The result is now my regularly planned end of February post is behind. That will be up soon as well, but not until March.

It is the end of February. How’s your New Year’s Resolution going? Many people start the new year with wildly big goals for changing their lives. After a few weeks, the excitement for the change wanes, and they return to their old habits and ways. To successfully implement lasting change, people need three things to help. They need to understand how to change habits. They need written goals. Finally, they need a strategy for their life. Goals support the strategy and help change habits. Habits that support the goals need to be developed and implemented through consistent, disciplined action. Excitement over the potential for a new life wanes because change requires lots of work. When you have a strategy, you understand how your New Year’s Resolution supports that strategy so even on those days when there is little excitement, you can still muster the discipline required to follow through on your action steps and accomplish your goal.

Often people think strategy is only for nations or large businesses. Strategy is important for those organizations, and it is also important for individuals. In his book First Things First, Stephen R. Covey talks about the importance of having a vision for your life that transcends your entire life. He encourages readers to look beyond the Friday night ball game. What to you want people to remember about you on your deathbed? What do you want them to say about you at your funeral? Thinking about what the end of your life will look like helps your focus on the things you need to do today to achieve that vision!

I recently completed a new strategic plan for the organization I lead. I engaged a number of stakeholders over the course of nine months. We talked about our strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, threats, aspirations, and desired results. We clarified our guiding principles, often called values. I talked to lots of people and did lots of research and writing. In the end, we accepted a plan to run our organization for the next five years, only five years. Am I suggesting you spend almost a year figuring out your strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, threats, aspirations, and desired results and also clarifying your personal and family values? No, I am not suggesting that; I implore you to do these things if you really want to change your life.

The strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, threats, aspirations, results model (SWOTAR) focuses your attention. You identify those areas that move you forward, and those that will cause failure if not addressed. Always play to your strengths and work only on improving your fatal flaws. When you start looking forward, remember you really have no idea what the future holds.

People who graduated from school in the 1980s did not know they were at the end of the Cold War and that in the next decade, the Berlin Wall, and Iron Curtain would fall. Many of the jobs that exist today were not even a thing in 1980. None of us really have any idea what January 1st 2025 will look like let alone January 21st 2060. However, with clear personal values, and a vision of your aspirations and desired results, you find your true north.

For example, as a result of going through this process, you discover you really want to find ways to house more people who do not have homes. Based on history, I suspect homelessness will still be a problem in 2060 because it has been a problem for centuries. However, homelessness has been a bigger and smaller problem over time for a variety of reasons. You may not know exactly what will work right now, but using your strengths and skills, you can identify things you can begin today to improve the homeless situation now and for 2060.

man looking through binoculars
Your vision helps you foresee what you will do in the future with the understanding the view might be a little unfocused.
-Photo by Mike on Pexels.com

Now that you have your vision for your life, or your life in the next decade, you can pick goals to make your vision a reality. When you work in this way, your New Year’s Resolutions support your vision for your whole life. A lesson I frequently have to remember is that change takes time. You can only harvest apples from an orchard one time each year. It takes the tree a year of changes to create those apples. In many ways, people are the same. We need to grow to make change. As change begins to occur within and around us, we find those changes enable us to do more and different things. Your vision and values remain constant. Just because you failed to achieve your New Year’s goal does not mean it is unachievable; you may need more time to develop the education, skills, or acquire other resources. If that goal supports your life plan, you can find the motivation and discipline necessary to achieve it. You can always begin again.

So here we are at the end of February with a failed New Year’s Resolution. Instead of accepting failure, create a vision for your future. Identify your strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, threats, aspirations, desired results, and personal values during the rest of the year. Figure out what goals you need to accomplish to make your vision a reality. Setting and accomplishing goals is easier when you understand how they support your vision and when they are aligned with your values. I wrote a few posts on goal setting. You can find the links below. The rest is up to you. Create your vision. Set your goals. Achieve your New Year’s Resolution.

Woman climbing a mountain.
As with any goal, disciplined activity is required to accomplish it.
-Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Look for the closing article in my series on developing personal trust in the next two weeks. I look forward to being back on schedule by the end of March.

References

  • Covey, S, Merrill, A, & Merrill, R. (1995) First things first. Fireside. New York, NY
  • Warren, R. (2002) The purpose driven life. Zondervan. Grand Rapids, MI
  • Zenger, J, & Folkman, J. (2004) The handbook for leaders. McGraw-Hill. New York, NY

More on setting goals:

Accomplishing New Year’s Resolutions: https://christopherstcyr.wordpress.com/2014/01/01/time-to-reflect-plan-act/

Establishing Measurable Goals: https://saintcyrtraining.com/2021/12/

Creating a Personal Development Plan: https://saintcyrtraining.com/2018/01/24/road-map-for-your-life-creating-a-personal-development-plan/

Goal Setting Worksheet: https://www.slideshare.net/ChrisStCyr1/sample-goalsworksheet

(c) 2024 Christopher St. Cyr

Build Trust by Acting Responsibly

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It does not matter how well you communicate, how competent you are, or that you treat others with kindness, if other cannot count on you to be responsible, you will not build trust with them. Responsibility is the fourth side of the Trust Cornerstone. There are several facets of responsibility. The first is doing what you are supposed to do. The second facet is doing what you say you will do. Next, take care of the property and resources entrusted to you. The fourth facet is strengthening the other trust competencies that will cause you to fail. The final facet of responsibility is predictability.

person holding a puppy up. caring for puppies requires responsibility.
Every child wants a puppy. Most parents worry the child will not be responsible for the young dog’s needs. Pets are one way a child can learn to be responsible. This photo also illustrates the point of why being responsible builds trust. Dogs know who to trust in the family, the person that always takes care of them. People are like that too. They know who they can trust to be responsible and who is not.
-Photo by Leah Kelley on Pexels.com

In his book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, the first habit Steven R. Covey discusses is the habit of being proactive. He breaks the word “responsibility” into “response-ability”. In every moment, each of use as the ability to choose our response. In that little space between response and ability, we decide what ability we want to use to respond to what ever faces us at that moment. When others are not around, we can choose to do what we know should be done, or something else. In those moments when no one is watching, you can choose to do the work that is expected of you, or surf the internet reading blog posts or watching random videos. Responsible people, people who build trust with others, complete the tasks that are expected of them. In that moment when they can choose to goof off or complete an expected task, they choose to complete the task.

Following closely on the heels of doing what you are supposed to do, is doing what you say you will do. Completing tasks as promised is also called follow through. Doing what you promise, tells others you can be trusted to help them achieve goals together. Part of this is also acknowledging short falls and accepting the consequences when something prevents you from completing things as promised. Retired Navy SEAL Jocko Willink says that he became a trusted leader because he promised to complete small things and delivered big results.

An important part of trust is to care for things others entrust to your care. The definition I use for trust is a choice to risk something you value to the actions of another based on your belief in their character. Often that ‘something of value’ is a tangible object. How you car the property of others shows respect for them. Taking good care of other’s property shows you are a responsible person who is ready for assignments of greater trust and responsibility.

a pile of random coins spread across a surface. coins are a symbol of value, something others are willing to entrust to another only after they demonstrate they are trustworthy.
Being responsible means people are willing to make things they value to the care of another.
-Photo by Anthony ud83dude42 on Pexels.com

For example, a grocery store manager asks a new cashier to take a small deposit to the bank. The manger is probably looking for a couple of things. Of course, the first is that all the money is deposited in the account correctly. Additionally, the manage may watch to see how long it takes the employee to complete the task. You can be the manager knows it normally takes 15 to 25 minutes to go to the bank, complete the transaction and return. When the employee returns in 20 minutes with the deposit slip for the correct amount, he created trust with the store manager.

Being a competent person builds trust. When someone is new on the job, they are expected to know little about things. As time passes, bosses expect people to develop proficiency in key tasks. In the previous example of the bank deposit, when the employee returned to the store in a reasonable amount of time, he demonstrated competency in time management. Pay attention to the things your boss or others repeat. People repeat things they consider important. What things does your organization measure? Work on increasing your skills in those areas and you will build trust with your leaders. The stronger you are in the areas the organization considers important, the more you will be trusted. With increased trust comes greater pay, increased privileges, and promotions. While it is always best to build on your strengths, be aware of your fatal flaws. Fatal flaws are those things you really are not very competent but are valued by the organization. Find ways to strengthen those areas to the minimum level of acceptability.

Predictability is an important aspect of trust. As one becomes more disciplined in repeatedly engaging in responsible behaviors, others come to know they can depend on that person. Only through disciplined repetition of responsible behaviors will others come to trust someone can be characterized as responsible. Predictability is a key component of developing a responsible character trusted by others. Discipline requires one to repeat responsible behaviors even on days the person does not feel responsible.

Fortune-teller holding a charm over a table with a candle and tarot cards. Being predictable doesn't require a fortune-teller, but it does build trust.
If you are predictable, people will not need a fortune-teller to know if you are trustworthy. Your previous behaviors do the talking for you. Predictability builds trust.
-Photo by Anete Lusina on Pexels.com

In your neighborhood, you no doubt have a person who is known as a runner because people see her out several times each week running. Another person is known as the great helper because they always offer assistance. Of course, there is also the neighborhood jerk who never has anything nice to say nor ever lifts a finger to help another. All of these characterizations are from repeated behaviors that result in a level of predictability.

Developing responsible behaviors creates trust with others. You develop a reputation of being responsible by doing what you are supposed to do. Responsible people do what they say they will do. Care for things that are entrusted to you, whether those things are someone ease’s time, money, or other resources. Find ways to increase your competence in areas important in your organization. Be predicable through disciplined responsible behaviors especially when you do not feel like being responsible. All these little steps demonstrate to others you are responsible. Responsible people are trusted by others. You will fail from time-to-time, but as you continue to work on these skills, you find ways to make being responsible, easier. In turn others trust you more. You become responsible simply by deciding you are going to do something a responsible person would do. It is a choice only you can make in any and every situation in life. Make the right choice. Be responsible.

References

  • Bossidy, L. & Charan, R. (2002). Execution: the discipline of getting things done. Crown Business. New York, NY
  • Brooks, D. (2015). The road to character. Random House, New York, NY.
  • Covey, S (1989). The 7 habits of highly effective people. Fireside. New York, NY.
  • St. Cyr, C (2021). Trust: the cornerstone of leadership. Blog post. Retrieved from https://saintcyrtraining.com/2021/11/30/trust-the-cornerstone-of-leadership/ on 1/22/24
  • Willink, J. & Babin, L. (2015). Extreme ownership. St. Martin’s Press. New York, NY.

(c) 2024 Christopher St. Cyr

Kindness and Respect Build Trust

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Woman wearing gi bows towards the camera. Bowing is an eastern way of showing respect to another. Respectful behaviors build trust.
In martial arts, competitors show respect for each other by bowing at the beginning and end of each match.
-Photo by RDNE Stock project on Pexels.com

If you want to build trust, treat people with respect, and kindness. These different principles are inseparable. It is difficult to be unkind to someone you respect. It is difficult to be disrespectful when you treat people with kindness. Essentially, follow the Golden Rule of treating others the way you want to be treated. You will build trust.

People recognize kindness and respect through actions, not words. Actions that demonstrate kindness include: holding a door open for someone, offering a positive greeting, writing a short “Thank You” note, speaking respectfully, and listening thoughtfully to another. There are long lists of other kind acts one can perform for others. The point is to be thoughtful in your dealings with others. Try to see your actions through their eyes. Examine how you would feel if someone else treated you the way you treat others.

While actions demonstrate kindness and respect, words have the potential to tell others you do not respect them. For example, you say you are open to having friends from other cultures but everyone in your social circle, looks like you. Your words become suspect. On the other hand, when you say offensive things, you are viewed as an offensive person. The things you say repeatedly reveal your true self. You can never talk your way out of a situation you behave yourself into. However, by changing your behaviors and habits, you may find you also change your thoughts and ideas.

Provide positive feedback to others. Praise demonstrates you value the work and worth of those people. While many argue written thank you cards are history, write one to someone and see where it ends up. I commonly find thank you notes I write to others prominently displaced in their workspace. A multidisciplinary team I belong to, has a practice of beginning meetings by expressing gratitude for work of team members from one discipline. The practice of gratitude opens opportunities you never could envision. People become more receptive when you offer ways they can improve, if most of your communication is otherwise positive.

Two women meeting at a table.
Treating others kindly creates positive feelings. Positive feelings improve outcomes and results. Quality results build trust with others.
-Photo by Anna Shvets on Pexels.com

Respect is a demonstration of concern for the well-being of another. These demonstrations are personal and meaningful to the receiver. For example, as a new employee, your paycheck is two hours short so you talk to your boss. Your boss is polite and promises to take care of it. When you receive your next paycheck, not only did you not receive the two hours from the prior pay period, this check is also two hours short. Your boss treated you politely and kindly, but by cheating you out of four hours of pay, he failed to demonstrate genuine concern for your well-being. You probably are not feeling very respected.

This story shows that respect is more than just being kind or polite. Respect involves taking actions that show concern for others. Examples include things like providing resources to someone who is struggling such as a neighbor with a sick child, giving time to help someone learn a new skill, following up on a promised action to ensure it was completed, and finishing projects on time. All these actions demonstrate concern for other people. There is no requirement to agree with the other person. You do not have to like the other person. Respectful behaviors create space for conversations about differences without creating fear or hate.

Demonstrations of kindness and respect lead to the dignified treatment of others, which builds trust. Many argue that respect is something that is earned, not deserved. A good number of years ago, it was written that everyone was created equal. If you believe Jefferson was right, then it means everyone is entitled to the same level of respect you expect for yourself. When you treat everyone with respect and kindness, you increase the positive responses you receive from others. People will like you more than those who act like jerks. That means you will be trusted more than those that are disliked. The increased level of trust you receive from other people increases the chances you will receive better assignments, more pay, favorable pricing, and other tangible and intangible benefits.

Two men shaking hands across a table. Kind behaviors like shaking hands builds trust.
Kind, respectful behaviors build trust with others. When you treat those you dislike with the same level of kindness as those you like, you create a culture of respect which builds trust.
-Photo by fauxels on Pexels.com

Once I had a conversation with a senior leader in an organization commenting on how hard it was to get all the other senior leaders to move in the same direction. He replied that it was easier to gain their cooperation when they liked and trusted you. This surprised me somewhat, as that particular organization had a culture that it was better to be respected than liked. He said there were lots of people in the organization he did not like. Still, he had to work with them, so his feelings did not matter. He said if he was doing his job well, no one could tell who he really liked and who he disliked. That is because regardless of whether he liked someone, he treated everyone with respect, kindness, and dignity. Feelings are private. Behavior is public.

Treating people with respect and kindness costs nothing. Given everyone is created equal, everyone deserves to be treated with respectful kindness. Even though your respectful behavior cost nothing, the behavior pays dividends. Respect and kindness are the lubricants in human interactions that create a positive environment to achieve great results. Those behaviors tell others you are trustworthy, which in turn creates opportunities not available to those with lower levels of trust. Treating people you do not like with kindness is hard. No great achievement is easy. Do the hard work of treating people with respect and kindness, even those you dislike. Your actions will build trust with them allowing both of you to succeed.

/————– References —————-/

Duhigg, C. (2014). The power of habit. (Kindle Ed.) Random House Trade Paperbacks.

Jefferson, T. (1776). Declaration of independence. U.S. National Archives. Retrieved from https://www.archives.gov/founding-docs/declaration-transcript on 12/20/2023

Kristenson, S. (2022). 13 ways to show respect for others in your everyday life. Happier Human webpage. Retrieved from: https://www.happierhuman.com/show-respect/ on 12/19/23

Maxwell, J. (2005). 25 ways to win with people. Thomas Nelson, Inc. Dallas, TX.

Sellg, M (2017). 16 easy acts of kindness to practice today. Psychology Today. Happiness webpage. Retrieved from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/changepower/201711/16-easy-random-acts-kindness-practice-today on 12/18/2023

Tilley, J [12thSMA]. (December 15, 2023, 9:29 am). The timeless ideology of Commitment vs Compliance. For me, the difference between compliance and commitment is straightforward. FaceBook post. Retrieved from https://www.facebook.com/12thSMA on 12/20/23

Vago, S. (2009). Law and society (9th ed.). Pearson, Prentice, Hall.

(c) 2023. Christopher St.Cyr

Proficiency Builds Trust

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band playing music
Practice results in proficiency.
-Photo by Yuting Gao on Pexels.com

The director stood before the audience and introduced the next number. “Music requires practice and precision. Many never realize the effort that goes into creating an error free musical performance. In this next number, each musician has selected one part to insert an error. None of us know when any of those errors will happen. Notice the difference the errors make in this well known favorite.”

As promised, the song began and three horns were in the wrong key and missed their attack. Every missed note, extended rest, and bad timing demonstrated the effort required for the band to sound good. The perfection of the next song was appreciated by the crowd. 

Group competence only happens when each individual on the team develops minimum levels of proficiency. Proficiency at a skill creates an environment that promotes trust. The more proficient one becomes, the more trust others place in that person. In turn, that allows the others to focus on their tasks and complete their work well.

If you are a young person, or remember what it was like to first enter the job market, you know the frustration of seeing the job ads that required a million years of experience even for entry level positions. You wondered how you were supposed to gain experience if no one would hire you. Employers want experienced people because they think that experience translates into a known level of proficiency. There is an old statement that dispels this belief, “Does the person have ten years of experience, or one year of experience ten times?” The point of this quote is to question whether someone with a larger work history has grown in the position or simply learned enough to get by. Smart leaders want people interested in learning and growing.

The balance of this paper is based on the idea a notional person received basic education in the topic they seek proficiency. Receiving the foundational education required to complete the tasks you want to learn is essential. There are reasons colleges and universities exist. The military has basic training to teach new recruits the fundamentals of military life. The trades have apprentice programs. Education is the first step in becoming proficient.

The easiest way to develop proficiency is through repetition. As a young cannoneer in the 1980s, I learned one way to emplace towed howitzers. Since then, the Army has fielded newer cannons, however the method I learned in the 80s still works today; only the knobs and buttons have changed. As my proficiency grew as a cannoneer, my leaders provided me opportunities to serve in roles with greater responsibility. Sadly, too many organizations expect others to train people and then cherry-pick the best. Few stay long, as they realize growth and learning opportunities are limited.

Proficient crew fire cannon in training.
Firing a cannon requires each member of the crew to be proficient in their job. If one person misses a step, the cannon may not fire and the round will not land where it should.
-Photo by author.

There are ways you can get your reps and sets and increase your proficiency in tasks. A common way is to volunteer for an organization that does something similar to what you want to do. For example, you want to enter the world of bookkeeping, but everyone wants their entry level people to have two years experience using QuickBooks or similar accounting software. Join the local animal club, you know Moose, Lion, Elk, Eagle, etc. Volunteer to keep their books or serve as treasurer. They probably use some accounting software, providing real world experience to add to your resume.

Find a mentor, someone who has done what you want to do. Work with them to improve your skills on a task. There are many benefits to having a mentor. If we continue the bookkeeper example, you’ve completed your degree in accounting. You volunteered at the local club to keep books. Now reach out to someone in a firm that is helpful. Tell them what you are doing and you need their help. Ask them for one or two sessions a month, about an hour each. Have a plan for each of those sessions. Your mentor provides much more than advise and asking questions to help you understand the practical applications of concepts learned in the classroom. Your mentor also is your “In” into organizations that want to hire qualified people. As you work with your mentor, she notices your skill level. She helps you find opportunities that might otherwise be hidden. This person becomes your cheerleader when you need a recommendation, but only if you listen, learn, and grow in the skill you seek to develop.

Make and learn from your mistakes. No one is perfect. Even after years of working on cannons, I would sometimes complete my pre-fire checklist only to find my crew made an error during our emplacement drill. After every exercise, we would take a few minutes to review what happened; what went well that we need to repeat, and what was less than ideal that we can improve. Taking time to reflect on these things helps you become more proficient, but ONLY if you actually apply the lessons.

Always continue learning. Join a professional organization. Read their journal to keep current on trends. Read books in your field to improve your depth of understanding. Attend training events and professional conferences. As you develop a wider and deeper understanding of topics in your area of interest, you are able to determine gaps in your skills. This knowledge allows you the opportunity to find ways to develop and improve your skills so you remain relevant and trusted.

Keep the basic in mind. As we grow, it is easy to forget the foundations of our skills. Review the basics periodically and compare them to your behaviors. One night I was at the police station working on a criminal complaint and arrest warrant. One of the patrol officers I supervised as Sergeant came into the office. He noticed I had the Criminal Code out and became excited about the big case I was working on. His enthusiasm disappeared when I told him it was a basic Simple Assault case. “Well why do you have out the Criminal Code?” he asked. “I’ve heard you quote the Simple Assault from memory.”

person typing on typewriter building skills
Writing is an example of a skill requiring practice to develop proficiency. Good writing allows one to communicate better. It helps to begin by understanding yourself what you want to say. That is why I always read the law before writing affidavits.
-Photo by Min An on Pexels.com

I explained, “I’m not wiling to bet my house on my memory of what the statute said and charge someone incorrectly.”* I always opened the book when every I wrote charges to ensure I checked every box. As a result of this and other practices that focused on basics, I completed a 32-year law enforcement career without being sued. That young officer eventually became Chief of Police and managed to never be sued. He learned the lesson of securing advanced learning and skill development to the basics learned early.

Developing proficiency in the skills required for your work increases the trust others are willing to place in you. When everyone in an organization knows their part, they create the wonders like those of a well practiced band. It only takes one or two mistakes by someone in an organization for stakeholders to lose trust. However, mistakes are not inherently bad. When you show others how you learned from mistakes, trust increases. You develop competence by acquiring basic education in the skill or topic. Next, gain experience through repetitive practice. As your skills improve, take time to continue to learn by adding to your breadth and depth of knowledge. Find a mentor. Join a professional organization. Attend training events. Read journals and books. In time, you develop the skills that demonstrate you can be trusted because you are proficient.

*Police officers are subject to lawsuits if they do not do their jobs correctly. If they are found in a civil trial to have violated someone’s civil rights, they may be required to sell their homes and other property to pay damages ordered by the court.

References

Coursera. (2023). The importance of skill development and where to start. Coursera.com. Retrieved on 11/22/23 at https://www.coursera.org/articles/skill-development

Herrity, J. (2023). How to enhance skills in 9 steps (with tips and examples). Indeed Career Development. Retreived on 11/28/23 at https://www.indeed.com/career-advice/career-development/how-to-master-skills

Feltman, C. (2009). The thin book of trust. Thin Book Publishing. Bend, OR

Creating Trusted Communications

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Communication is the first wall of the Form of Trust. That is because communication is the most important, and most difficult skill to learn and master. You will be more successful as a communicator if you remember the basic principle, repetition through more than one source said in more than one way. A simple formula is tell them what you are going to tell them. Tell them. Summarize what you told them. Sending a message is only half the work. Receiving and responding to feedback is the second half of the work, and often most overlooked. It is in the second half of the work that chances of successful message transfer occurs. By being open to the feedback to your message, you begin to understand how your message was received, other people’s reactions to your message, and if it was understood the way you wanted it understood.

woman looking over a river is an image used to communicate a message
Like this painting, images can be used to communicate messages. Like the bank on the river shown here, there are barriers in communication as well.
-Claude Monet, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons.

Take a look at Claude Monet’s painting On the Bank of the Seine, Bennecort. Really, stop reading now and look at the details in the painting. Determine what message the artist was trying to convey. What does his choices of objects, lighting, paint, brush strokes, angles, people, and colors tell viewers? In 1868, few people had the ability to express themselves using images, either paintings, drawings, or photographs. Today, almost anyone can and does use images and video to communicate. These opportunities add to the complex nature of communication. To quote an old expression, “A picture is worth 1000 words.” When communicating with others, you want to paint a picture for them with words understanding that even then, they will put their twist on the image requiring you to ensure they understand your meaning.

In previous essays, I discussed communication from a leadership or supervisory perspective. One earns the right to lead others by developing the characteristic of being a good communicator. Like the game of chess, the basic moves of communication are simple. Mastering those basic skills takes a lifetime and requires constant work, practice, and willingness to learn. Some readers will wonder why communication is the junior person’s responsibility. Simple, you are the person trying to create trust and credibility with your boss, supervisor, or other leader.

A reliable model for effective communication is sharing the message three ways and asking effective questions. In the simplest form, tell the other person what you are going to tell them, tell them, and tell them what you told them. You will notice in classes that instructors offer a preview of what the class. They transition to the teaching portion. At the end of the class, they summarize the lesson in a variety of ways.

An example of the way this might work well for you is to send your boss, or other person you need to communicate with, an email asking for a meeting about the topic. As a result of your email, you receive a meeting date and meet face to face, via phone, or some sort of video option and talk about the topic. Following the meeting, write a quick note that summarizes your takeaways from the meeting. This really could be a sticky note you leave on the person’s door or cubical, or perhaps a text message, Slack post, or similar means, but not a means you used already.

A sticky note posted on an office door.
Leaving a note after a conversation is one way to follow up and let others know you heard them.
-Photo by author.

As you change the way you communicate professionally, you will find barriers to overcome. There are three types of barriers, physical, psychological, and technological. Physical barriers include those you can actually reach out and touch, such as a wall between you and another person. Physical barriers also include the noise occurring around you that prevents another person from hearing you, or perhaps part of a page in a set of written instructions that are missing from a document. It seems such barriers are easy to overcome, but if people fail to recognize the barriers, they do nothing to bring them down. An example is a war veteran I know who is hard of hearing, even when wearing his hearing aids. His wife will frequently ask him questions or tell him things when he is on the other side of the house. Both feel frustrated that messages are not received and acted upon.

Psychological barriers are harder to identify. Such barriers include things like people not speaking the same language, one of the people lacking education or training to understand concepts expressed, people who are over tired, or distracted by other things. The language thing seems like a simple thing to identify. How many times have you gone to a doctor’s office and asked him to explain your diagnosis to you in English? It is very likely much of what the doctor said included English words, but because you were not familiar with the words, it was still a foreign language.  Similarly, a master carpenter can look at a piece of wood and toss it into the discard pile, knowing it will not work for the application. When an apprentice asks why, the master not only has to point out the defects, but also the concepts that support why that board fails to meet the needs of the project. Such psychological barriers are more difficult to identify, so the person sending the message must have some strategies to ensure the message was actually received. 

When I first learned about communication barriers, there were the two we just discussed. As I write this, on a word processor on a cloud-based application that did not exist in the early 1980s, I realize that we now have a new barrier in the mix of communications, technology. Who has not had the experience of starting your video conference application a few minutes before your virtual meeting only to receive the message that your application will take a few minutes to update before it can run? Emails dissolve into cyberspace. Hackers sync a different voice over your orientation video. Voice are garbled as your internet connection becomes unstable. All these problems with technology and more are barriers that interfere with communication. 

Questions are one way to improve the chances of understanding and overcoming all these barriers. Ask questions during the conversation or email in ways that open dialog. Avoid questions that can be answered with yes/no, or other short answers unless the point is to collect or confirm a specific piece of information like a time or location. Questions like, “What will a successful project you describe look like?”, or “How will I know if I met your intent?”, are excellent questions to expand discussion. Ask Powerful Questions by Will Wise, and Chad Littlefield is a great book to explore different types of questions. Their overall thesis is to ask questions of others from a place of curiosity.

Two women talking over coffee.
Keep your work conversations focused on useful work. Asking about family and similar topics helps build relationships however everyone has a job to do. -Photo by EKATERINA BOLOVTSOVA on Pexels.com

Asking questions from a place of curiosity tells others you are interested in them and what they have to say. Such questions sound sincere because they are sincere. Sincere questions help build trust by improving communications. People are more likely to trust someone they like. Remember, if the point of the conversation is a specific topic or project, focus your curiosity and questions on that topic. General conversation questions help build relationships, but if you are talking to others at work, the majority of your discussions should be related to work that helps your organization accomplish its mission, less on who is sleeping with whom.

Developing trust as a new or junior person in an organization can be difficult. Communication is the first wall of the form to pour your trust cornerstone. Learning to communicate better with others demonstrates your trustworthiness. Use a variety of methods to communicate and follow up with other means of communications so your message is not forgotten. Letting your boss know you are making progress on an assignment means you are less likely to be micromanaged. Modes of communication include speaking to someone, sending a note, letter or email, using a video, or some sort of image. Be aware of the physical, psychological, and technological barriers that interfere with communication. Learn to ask powerful questions that show others you care about what they say and ensure what you said was understood. These simple changes in behavior will help make you a better communicator.

References

Davies, P., Hofrichter, F., Jacobs, J, Roberts, A, & Simon, D. (2009). Janson’s basic history of western art. (8th ed.). Pearson – Prentice Hall

St. Cyr, C. (2/28/2023). The three pitch rule of communication expanded. [blog post]. https://saintcyrtraining.com/2023/02/28/the-three-pitch-rule-of-communication-expanded/#comments Retrieved 10/31/23

Seeing Art History (4/2/2015). Claude Monet: On the bank of the seine, Bennecort. [video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UIppyK3R4W0 Retrieved 10/17/23

Wickham, J. (1983). FM 22-100 Military Leadership. United States Army, US Printing Office.

Wise, W., & Littlefield, C. (2018). Ask powerful questions. Podcraft

Building Character on the Cornerstone of Trust

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A strong cornerstone supports the foundation of character.
-Photo by Charles Parker on Pexels.com

Last year, I published a series of articles on developing trust as a leader. But what if you are new in your organization, or you are not in a leadership position, is trust still important? Yes it is. Remember, leadership is not about positions. Leadership is about influence. You earn supervisory positions by demonstrating you are a person of character who possesses an ability to influence others positively. In turn, those people accomplish things that help your organization succeed. In the Cornerstone series, I outlined six areas leaders work on to build trust; only two of them were specific to leaders. The other four apply to anyone trying to build trust. Think of those four areas like the sides of a concrete form. If one is missing, the form fails. The four sides of the form are communication, proficiency, respect, responsibility.

Trust is easy when you meet people you do not know. It is harder when someone comes along with a poor reputation. Trust is also hard to regain when lost. Think about the ancient fable of the scorpion and frog. The scorpion wanted to cross a brook and asked the frog to help. The frog was leery, but the scorpion convinced the frog to trust him. The scorpion said that if he stung the frog in the water, both would die. Part way across, the scorpion stings the frog. When the frog asked why, the scorpion replies stinging is what scorpions do.

Some argue that it is better to live without trusting others. Nothing great ever would have happened without trust between people. Trust is the cornerstone that supports great things. This is the first in a series on developing trust for everyone. There will be one post for each side of the form, and another on regaining trust that was lost. Of course, the series will close with a summary and conclusion.

Communication

Communication is the first side of trust cornerstone and the concrete form. It is such an important skill, I wrote a series on how to improve communication. You can find it here. However, I will also boil down the important points you need to know. Use simple, short sentences with short words. Follow up with others a short time later to ensure they remember what was said.

When people tell you something, ask appropriate questions to ensure you understand what they are saying. I once asked a Soldier I led to light up some people. It was dark and I could not see them. He understood my instruction to apply large quantities of fire to kill those we assembled. He questioned my order, allowing me to clarify my meaning. Soon the people were bathed in the glow of HMMWV headlights I once heard someone say (if I remembered who, they would be credited below), “The problem with communication it people think it happened.”

Proficiency

Work to be the best every day to build trust
-Photo by Budgeron Bach on Pexels.com

Proficiency is simply the measure of how well someone does something. For years, I was a police firearms instructor. Being a firearms instructor requires one to be able to shoot well. Not everyone who shoots well can teach. To be a trusted firearms instructor, a person must be able to both shoot well, and teach others to shoot well. You might be a great teacher, but if you cannot show others how to do the task, they will not trust you.

You gain proficiency by doing things over and over. Having a mentor helps. Many building trades have an apprentice system, where the master teaches the apprentice the tricks of trade. Eventually the skilled apprentice becomes a master and the cycle continues to turn.

This quality is in very short supply today. Treating others respectfully is an element of trust known for thousands of years. Most of us learned the golden rule as children, “Treat others the way you want to be treated.” A newer version is to treat others the way they expect to be treated.

Respect

As the executive director of a small non-profit, I often have a new staff member or intern help me prepare the meeting space before a board meeting. The new person will ask why I take the time to ensure there is a bottle of water, pad of paper, writing implements, and printed handouts at each seat. Interns especially point out that as students, they are expected to bring those things with them to class. I respond that I expect the board members to bring all those things with them also. However, each is a volunteer. Each leads another organization and has lots of other things to think about each day. Providing the little extras each meeting shows respect and gratitude for each board member’s time they dedicate to our cause.

Interns are also prohibited from bringing staff coffee and doing menial tasks other staff are not asked to do. We find meaningful work for our interns that helps them grow and develop the skills to work with us in some capacity.

Responsibility

Responsibility closely parallels proficiency. As one becomes proficient, one become more responsible. A responsible, proficient person requires less supervision because the boss trusts their ability and responsibility. Responsible people ensure they take care of things they promise. They respond to others thoughtfully rather than snapping all the time.

Learning to develop trustworthy habits creates a strong foundation of character that holds up under pressure.
-Photo by Leo Woessner on Pexels.com

A popular way responsibility is measured today is through credit scores. Each of the big credit reporting agencies have their own formulas for weighting your credit worthiness. Each is tied to certain behaviors, such as how timely you pay your bills and your debt to income ratio. Credit reporters scores are nothing more than a numerical system to tell others how responsible someone is with money.

Conclusion

Trust is the cornerstone of character. How you behave tells others how trustworthy you are. You can pour a solid cornerstone by building a strong form with four sides. These sides show others how well you communicate, how proficient you are, how you respect other people, and whether you are responsible. Each of these areas are a matter of disciplined behavior. Jock Willink’s mantra on discipline is simple and true, “Discipline equals freedom.” The more disciplined you are in each of these areas, the stronger your finished cornerstone of trust. With increased trust, you gain influence, allowing you to start to learn to lead others. Use the cornerstone of trust to build your character. Others look for strong character when they want to build great teams. With a strong, trustworthy character, you will always be in demand.

Thank You

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Dear Readers,

I want to thank those of you who checked in throughout September to read my latest post. I missed posting at the end of August which gave many of you an opportunity to look back at some of my older posts.

I have worked hard in the last few years to post once each month. Like many of you, the last few years brought lots of changes in my life. August was the time I needed to catch up on lots of things that had been pushed to the side to adjust to those changes. There will be a new post tomorrow morning so look for it.

The new post will begin a series on trust for people who are not leaders but want to be trustworthy. Many of the behaviors for trusted leaders and others who are trusted are the same. The application of the foundational principles are slightly different. This series will address those differences.

Keep your eyes open for the new post tomorrow.

S,

Chris

Three Pitches of Communication Wrapped Up

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Over the last few months, I posted essays expanding on my thesis about the importance of communicating important messages to others using three separate and different methods. This series focused on three broad categories of communication, in-person, written, and electronic, each with a few subcategories and some overlap. Ken Blanchard talks about the importance of spaced repetition in his book, Know, Can, Do. The book talks about how advertisers use spaced repetition to make people take action and buy their products. The Three Pitch Rule builds on this idea as a way for leaders to ensure they build relationships and achieve results. This month, I will wrap up and review the previous articles and use some real-life stories to show how to maximize your communications efforts using the Three Pitch Rule. Some of the details in each story are changed to protect the privacy of individuals.

In-person communication can be the most effective and the most challenging. It requires you to think ahead about the message you want to communicate without knowing how others will react. Rehearsing your message is one way to ensure you are effective. Another is planning a series of questions to ensure both you and the others understand what was really said and what others really commit to doing.

In-person communication helps build strong relationships that achieve results when done well. I think we all know the results of poor and ineffective in-person communications. While relationships are important for leaders, so are results. In-person communication helps ensure leaders build solid relationship that achieve results.

It is difficult to anticipate every reaction every person will have to your message, Therefore one of the challenges of verbal, in-person communication is knowing what the right thing to say is for any situation. Talking through the tough stuff becomes easier with more experience. Not talking simply builds walls, making the conversations harder in the future. As Teddy Roosevelt said, “In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing is nothing.” Talking about difficult things is the same; it is better to open the conversation and completely botch it than to do nothing about the situation.

Writing is a critical leadership skill. While you do not have to be an Ernest Hemingway, or Jocko Willink, you do need to express yourself well in written documents. Advantages of writing include being able to refine, edit, and tweak your message better. Writing allows the author time to think about what elements are the most important about the idea. Written documentation provides a document trail for a variety of reasons. Often leaders only think of using document trails to punish others. Those same document trails can be used to justify a host of other positive and negative actions for employees, vendors, and customers. The two best ways to learn to write better are by reading, and actually writing.

Electronic communication is the modern means of sending messages to others using electrically connected devices. Examples include telephones, social media, email, and video conferences and calls. A telephone call is not the same as being in person with another, but many of the same rules apply. Likewise, an email or social media instant message is writing, but it is not the same as writing a policy document. Each has nuances users need to learn to use them effectively and professionally. Most of us have probably inadvertently sent the REPLY ALL flaming email. Breath before clicking send on any form of electronic communications.

In the Three Pitch thesis, one should use three different methods to communicate important messages to others. A recent example is welcoming a new member to your Board of Directors. Even if you are the Board President, you are not that person’s boss, but you still must lead them. If you are the CEO, that Board Member is your boss and you still must lead them! In this case, I had a Board Member who had been serving for about six months. I wanted to encourage this person to become more involved is one of our projects, so I called him to ask for a meeting. Of course, the call went to voicemail, requiring me to leave a voice message. Before placing the call, I understood I might have to leave a message. I planned what I would say if that happened. The message for the Board Member told them I wanted to meet and the topic. I asked for an email with some dates and times over the next two weeks that worked for him, the first pitch. I did not hear from him by the next day, so I followed up with an email and the same request, the second pitch. No reply was received the following day, so I sent a text message, the third pitch. The Board member responded to the text message. He was on vacation the week I was trying to connect. He would call when he returned.

In another example, I connected with a vendor about upgrading a service. I called and made an appointment to talk to my representative, the first pitch. We conducted a video call to discuss the issues, the second pitch. After the call, I emailed the representative summarizing what we discussed, and expected follow-up actions, the third pitch. I received a favorable proposal from the vendor.

In an employee example, I met with a person to discuss a project. I asked the person in a regular staff meeting to connect with me after to set up another meeting, pitch one. We made an appointment and met the following day, pitch two. A week later, I sent the employee an email asking for a status update on the project. This ensured she remembered to work on the project, and provided an opportunity to open a channel of communication to clear up any misunderstandings, pitch three.

I introduced the Three Pitch Rule by telling a story about Linda Lang, a DARE Instructor Trainer with Illinois State Police. In my DARE Officer Training, she told us to tell students what we were going to tell them in class, tell them in the instruction, and end by telling them what we told them. When people hear a message three times, they are more likely to remember and understand. The Three Pitch Rule builds on this classroom method by allowing leaders to connect with those they lead to ensure communication actually happened. Be like the classroom teacher when you are leading. Tell people what you need, arrange some sort of meeting discussion platform discussed in this series, and follow up by re-vowing what you discussed after the meeting. Following this simple model improves communication. The next time you have something important to communicate, develop a plan to pitch the message three times to make sure it is received, understood, and acted upon.

References

I really do not remember where I found the Teddy Roosevelt quote years ago. I typed it onto a word processing document, printed and framed it to always remember to be decisive even in the face of uncertainty.

(c) 2023 Christopher St. Cyr

How to Improve Electronic Communications

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The previous two posts examined writing and verbal communication. This post focuses on communicating through social media, email, and telephonic means. This seems repetitive, however, leaders need to adjust their communication style to each of these means of communication to be effective. Given the thesis of this essay series, repetitive communication delivered through more than one means, this part started to tie elements of effective communication together. We will start with a short definition of each form of communication, followed by a discussion of how to obtain better results with each. 

Social media is a rapid way to stay in touch with others. It is not always the best way for leaders to communicate.
-Photo from WordPress free image library

Social Media

FaceBook, Instagram, TikTok, Reddit, Digg, Twitter…yes all these are forms of social media. Instant messaging in the form of SMS text, Signal, Messenger, LinkedIn, Slack and other options are also social media. Some of the earliest forms of social media were public bulletin boards offered by dial up information service providers like CompuServe, America On-Line, and Prodigy. Social media is a very informal way to communicate with others. It involves lots of lingo, images, and non text images (emojis) to send messages. It is quick and easy to post a thought or idea before comprehending the significance of the words on others.

Email

Email goes back to the birth of the internet and was one of the primary means of communication in the days DARPA connected to selected universities. More formal than instant messaging, it is more disposable than traditional written correspondence, yet it is a level up from social media. Email often involves more thought than social media. Users generally communicate in complete sentences, even when they do use acronyms and jargon. 

Telephone

Telephones were the original person-to-person electronic instant messaging system. Phone calls outside your local area were very expensive so leaders planned calls to ensure the conversation was worth the investment. That lesson is still true even if calls are included at no cost in your current plan.
-Photo by cheptu00e9 cormani on Pexels.com

The old telephone is the second generation of electronic messaging, coming right after the telegraph. Few of us today can translate Morse Code, but the telegraph is still used around the world. Telephones have evolved much since those early days. You can make a call without even using the native phone app on your phone. Many social media platforms offer both voice and video calling options today. Just this morning, I engaged in a conversation with another leader seven time zones away on a different continent using Signal. It was still a phone call. Voice and video communication share commonalities. Unlike email and social media, you have access to more cues about a person’s state of mind during the communication. However, given the spoken words are nearly instantaneous, thinking of appropriate, instant responses presents challenges.

With all these options and challenges to communicate electronically, people often wonder how it was possible to complete tasks or make decisions without them. All these methods improve communication with those we lead. If someone is in a different time zone, you can shoot a text, Signal message, or SMS at any hour. They can respond at a reasonable hour for them. In the past, phone calls and letters were the only options and phone calls were very expensive.

Using these Tools Effectively

Begin by understanding you there are different rules for communicating with those you lead and your pals. You can OMG, LOL, BRB, and AFK all you want with your pals. When communicating in a leadership role, formality is more important using any of these means. Now that phone calls can be made over the web, talk is cheap. Remember that if you talk cheaply, you receive cheap results. Just like writing, think about the message  you want received before dialing, or asking your digital assistant Siri, Alexa, or Google to dial for you

Be clear in your communication, whether by phone, social media, or text. Be specific about your expectations. Given the nature of these communications, it is not uncommon to communicate with people in different time zones. The military does everything on Zulu or universal time. I drove my Operations people nuts when I specified local times for people across different time zones. My thought was if I did the math, I knew it was right. If a leader wants people on a virtual meeting across different time zones, the leader has the responsibility to specify the local times. Yes, it is harder on you. However, if someone misses a time hack, they cannot use the excuse they did not understand what time to join the meeting. You provided the local time for them!

Develop protocols establishing what information to communicate by what form of electronic means. For example, you have an employee flying cross-country to meet an important client. You may want to keep track of their travel. Decide ahead of time if you want them to send a text when they board and disembark from the plane, and arrive at the meeting. A quick SMS is all that is needed and is likely to be seen more quickly than an email. Phone calls may not be convenient as the traveler moves through the airport or tried to flag a cab. 

There are times messages need to be delivered in person, at least over the phone. Electronic means makes communicating faster, but not necessarily easier. The method you select to send a message is a message as to how important the message is.
-Photo by Seven 7 on Pexels.com

Alternatively, text messages, or other electronic media, probably are not the right form of communication, to deliver unexpected bad news such as, “You’re fired,” or, “The factory is burning down.” Even in today’s fast-paced digital world, nothing shows caring and compassion like in person, verbal communication for news like this. As a leader, building relationships is critical to achieving results. Showing compassion for other’s suffering goes a long way to building relationships that attains results.

On the other hand, a phone call followed by an email or text is probably the preferred method of communication to report the results of the communication, or as a reminder and answering questions. The call allows a discussion between the leader and the other person. The email serves as an enduring document memorializing the other person’s understanding. That email may be necessary to clear up confusion and misunderstanding later with others.

One of the problems with electronic communications is the ability to respond quickly. Quick responses are not always well reasoned, respectful responses. Probably everyone reading this has sent or received a hasty, poorly worded, disrespectful, angry response to another. In fact, many probably hit REPLY ALL so many people saw the judgement error. Think before hitting send. Like all ‘written’ communication, have a trusted person look it over to ensure you are using appropriate words. Make sure your position is logical. Provide information where the receiver can look for information that supports your position. Doing these things improves the likelihood your message will be received in the way you intended. It provides additional information from resources you cite without having to do all the research and typing. In turn, this allows the other person to become knowledgeable as well.

Electronic communication is fast, easy, and full of opportunities to be misunderstood. While electronic communications have increased since Bell made the first phone call and email became available to the masses 30 years ago, none of these means of communication are the right answer for every message. Electronic communication allows for quick responses, even if the original message is hours or days old. Compared to slower means of communication, using electronic communication exposes us to the risk of sending unskillful messages to influence them in a way we desire. Flaming someone is fast and easy. It puts someone in their place quickly. It also burns and causes injury to the relationship. Those wounds require more skill and time to heal compared to the skill and time required to compose and send a thoughtful, respectful, influential response in the first place. Use electronic communications well by learning the pros and cons of each. Know what messages are right for the media. Plan your message before hitting send, and your ability to provide appropriate leadership influence with others will grow.

Like a network box, electronic communications can be very clear and easy to follow, or a tangled mess. Ensure your message is heard by using the right tool, the right way.
-Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

References

Dans, E. (2021). Sometimes, a good old-fashioned phone call is more than enough. Forbes. Retrieved from: https://www.forbes.com/sites/enriquedans/2021/03/30/sometimes-a-good-old-fashioned-phone-call-is-more-than-enough/?sh=3988b0ee17c5. On 6/23/23

LinkedIn. (2023). How do you assess and develop your social media communication skills and competencies?. LinkedIn.com. Retrieved from: https://www.linkedin.com/advice/0/how-do-you-assess-develop-your-social-media-communication. On 6/23/23.

Su, J. (2021). How to write better emails at work. Ascend Business Communications Section. Harvard Business Review. Retrieved from: https://hbr.org/2021/08/how-to-write-better-emails-at-work. On 6/23/23

(c) 2023 Christopher St. Cyr

Other articles in this series:

The Three Pitch Rule Expanded: https://saintcyrtraining.com/2023/02/

Ten Ways for a Leader to Write Better: https://saintcyrtraining.com/2023/03/

Better Verbal Communication for Leaders: https://saintcyrtraining.com/2023/04/

Memorial Day 2023

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Military ceremonies remember fallen comrades.
-USDOD Photo by SGT Mark Hayward

George Washington said something like you can tell much about a nation by the way they treat their veterans. Sadly, with less than 25% of our population qualified to serve, and less than 1% stepping up to serve, most Americans have no idea about the sacrifices required to protect liberty. Twice each year, I divert from my usual talks on leadership to discuss veteran topics. Those occur on Memorial and Veterans Days. I feel, as a combat veteran, it is my obligation to share some thoughts on veteran issues during this time. Too many citizens offhandedly thank veterans here and there for their service without truly understanding the sacrifice. I hope each essay brings a measure of understanding for those support our troops but never served.

On Memorial Day you will hear combat veterans use the phrase, “All gave some; some gave all.” How do you give all you may ask? Every veteran contributes to the cause in some way. It does not matter whether you serve as an Infantryman, a fighter pilot, a safety officer on a carrier, unit clerk, or truck driver; every person has an important position in the military. Each thinks, and rightly so at times, their job is the most important. You see without the supply clerk to load the truck, and without the driver to drive the truck, or the MP to guide and secure the truck, the ammunition would never arrive at the firing battery, foxhole, or airfield for the cannon cockers, grunts, and flyboys to close with and destroy the enemy. Someone has to make sure all these people are paid and medically ready. Somebody has to tell their story. Every Soldier, Marine, Sailor, Coastie, and Airman is potentially a target for the enemy. As you can see everyone gives something to the cause. None are ever sure when they will be asked to give everything, including their lives, to the cause. All are at risk. Members of every branch and career field have died serving their country. That is why we have Memorial Day, to remember their sacrifices.

Service members do lots of different jobs in all kinds of terrain, weather, and environments.
-Photo by author

Not all combat related deaths occur on the battlefield. With today’s modern medicine, and forward deployed combat lifesavers, combat injuries are more survivable. Those injuries are still traumatic, preventing some individuals from fully recovering. Many die earlier in life than would be expected. Those deaths are not counted as combat deaths, even though the injuries that caused those deaths happened on the battlefield. We must remember them as well.

Not all military injuries are visible. Traumatic brain injury came into the spotlight as a result of the Global War on Terror. Like other combat injuries, this one also has the potential to shorten service members’ lives in two ways. The first is the lingering injury causes the death, as it may never fully heal. Additionally, those suffering from TBI may turn to another veteran cause of death, suicide.

On an average day, 22 service members and veterans commit suicide. I saw a statistic over the winter that claimed more service members have died from suicide since 2001 than died in all the fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan. You’ll note, there is no reference because I could not find it in time for my deadline. However, 22 suicides per day spread out over 22 years comes out to over 170,000 deaths. Iraq and Afghanistan account for under 10,000 combat deaths. I believe the number without having to find the original reference.

Military operations occur around the clock in peace and war, increasing the danger of death.
-Photo by author

Veteran suicide remains a big problem. Learn ways you can help a veteran in crisis. Recognize when someone is struggling. For a long time, the Army used the ACE model to help service members remember how to render mental health first aid. Ask the person if they are thinking of killing or hurting themselves. I am assured by mental health professionals that your asking will not put the idea in their head, so ask. Call for help. Depending on the circumstances, you should call 911 if there is already a life-threatening situation. If the veteran is expressing suicide ideation, call 877-4AID-VET ((877) 424-3838), or 988 the nationwide suicide hotline. E stands for escort, which means staying with the person in crisis until you arrive at an appropriate treatment facility, or the help you called for arrives. Following these simple steps will make you a hero for our heroes.

As the unofficial start of summer arrives, take time to gather with family and friends to attend a Memorial Ceremony or Parade. Really look at the names of the real people who appear on those war monuments. Each was a son, daughter, brother, sister, father, or mother and certainly someone’s battle buddy. If you thank a vet, ask an appropriate question about his or her military service, such as, “What was the best part of serving?”, “What is your best memory?”, “Why did you decide to serve?”, or something similar. Then listen to the story and ask suitable follow-up questions. If you are particularly attentive, you might actually hear things veterans rarely tell others. It will help you understand the saying “All gave some; some gave all.”

A Decade of Writing

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Ten years and 135 posts later, some thoughts and reflections…

“Welcome to my blog.” That was how I started my first post ten years ago. You are still welcome here. You will find much more to read than was available then. Browse around. You will note that early on, my posts were more frequent and shorter. As I developed as a writer, I learned two things. I wanted to write in greater depth on each topic than 500 words, my target for each post. I also wanted to post less often, devoting more time to each subject. When I started, I alternated between a post on leadership, and one on developing training for adults. About the time I started writing longer, I realized those who counseled focusing on one thing were right, so I focused on leadership. This allows me to do things like create a series of essays on a single topic. The introduction and conclusion each stand alone as a thesis. The material in between is available for those seeking to dive deeper.

When I started writing, I had over 30 years of leading police officers and Soldiers with some volunteer experience. I’ve since retired my police leadership roles, and will soon retire from the military with a lifetime of experience. I worked with great leaders all over the world in many nations. My work now is leading in the nonprofit sector now. I serve as an Executive Director for one nonprofit, and serve on the board of directors of two others. The principles of leadership apply equally whether leading Soldiers, negotiating with partner nation military leaders, working with legislators, mentoring young police officers, developing a vacant lot into a memorial park, or leading a multidisciplinary team that responds to cases of child abuse. The tactics for each situation change, but the principals are universal. The essays you find here are all based on those universal leadership principals.

If you have been reading my posts for a long time, or this is your first, thank you. Please enter your email in the subscribe field, and my newest monthly posts appear in your inbox. While I may return at some point to publishing more than monthly, I promise I will not sell your email address to others or spam you with frequent, unwanted sales pitches for products or services. My web host offers ways to unsubscribe if you change your mind and no longer want to receive quality leadership lessons from someone tested in combat. You have nothing to lose.

Doing series allows me the ability to plan my writing better, allows me to learn more about the topics, and present information on those topics better. This post interrupts my series on the Three Pitch Rule for communicating as a leader. While I will apologize for the interruption, this seems like a good point in life to stop and reflect on my writing over the last ten years. Reflection is an important leadership and personal growth habit.

The series on communication continues in June. There are three segments remaining, using text and social media in June, communicating with that app on your smartphone that allows you to make voice or video calls, and the wrap reviewing how to use more than one means to communicate with others improving your effectiveness.

I will start a series on strategic planning and execution. Successful organization do more than create strategic plans; they execute those plans and change to meet current needs. Creating an effective strategic plan is not easy. I think I am pretty good at it, but at the end of every cycle, I find how little I really know. Each plan is better than that last. As Eisenhower once said something like, “Plans are nothing, but the planning process is everything.” While there is lots of truth to that thought, plans and planning are useless without action. Strategic thinking, and action are the two things that cause change.

Change is a constant for all leaders. Without change, there really is no need for leaders. Strategic planning ensures your organization remains relevant when everything around it changes. Even if you want your organization to remain unchanged, you need a plan to maintain stability in the face of change.

Few people like change. I offer the following thought on change: would you rather be known in five years as a leader with five years of experience because you grew and changed, or someone with one year experience, five years in a row?

Please continue to read, learn, grow. I always look forward to your feedback in the comments and the contacts. Note that I try to read the real messages in between the tons of spam, but it might be a few days before I see your message. Thanks for your patience.

I enjoyed writing for you over the last ten years. Thanks for reading. I look forward to continuing to provide quality, personally written lessons on leadership, i.e. not ChatGPT. Most of all, I hope readers take something from each essay and implement one thing in their leadership practice. It’s been said that leadership is the most important thing on the battlefield. It is also the most important thing in every other walk of life. Be bold, try something from one of these lessons, learn what works as you lead from the front.

All photos by the author.

(c) 2023 Christopher St. Cyr

Better Verbal Communication for Leaders

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Leaders must communicate well verbally. It is a skill we develop at an early age, making it easy to overlook. Developing your verbal communication skills enhances your leadership influence.
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Whether you are on a phone call, a video meeting or chat, in a face-to-face meeting, or simply ordering a coffee, most of our communication is verbal. Therefore, to communicate effectively as a leader, you require good verbal communication skills. Given that most people develop enough vocabulary by their second birthday, a leadership lesson on verbal communication almost seems silly. Given all the variables that go into transmitting a verbal message to another, and all the variables required to receive it as intended, it is amazing any of our conversations come close to actual communication socially, let alone professionally. Everything from the intended definition of a word, to cultural filters, real noise, the noise in the other person’s head, and a ton of other variables all act in concert to prevent the real message from being received. I read somewhere (if I remembered where, it would be in the references below) that one of the biggest problems with communication in the workplace is the impression that it happened. This essay examines issues with verbal communication and offers suggestions to improve leadership verbal communication.

Non-verbal cues

In his book Signals: How to Use Body Language for Power, Success and Love, Allan Pease says about verbal communication, “The total impact of a message is about 7 percent verbal (words only) and 38 percent vocal (including tone of voice, inflection and other sounds) and 55 percent non-verbal.” (Pease, 1984, P. 6). Pease cites research for his book dating back to the 1800s related to verbal communication and all its non-verbal complexities. Clearly there is more to verbal communication than just words.

Tone is the quality of a person’s voice that communicates, wit, sorrow, compassion, intensity, and sarcasm. I worked for a person who used a sarcastic tone in most of his verbal communication. It was not uncommon one week to be reprimanded for failing to do something he told you to do which seemed strange, and delivered in his normal sarcastic tone. As a result, the next time you received direction to do something that seemed odd, delivered in the sarcastic tone, you did it. Imagine the surprise when you were called on the carpet for doing what you were told to do. As a mid level leader in that organization, it sucked never knowing what the boss really expected because of his sarcasm.

When you speak, monitor your tone. Look for other non-verbal cues for the person you are speaking to ensuring they understand the importance of the message. Remember, sometimes just because of your position, people will likely place greater urgency on your comments even when you state an observation or make an off handed remark.

I had occasion to conduct a sight visit for one of my subordinate military units. Things were jacked up and no matter how hard I tried to find something to praise, every request resulted in uncovering another issue. I pulled the senior noncommissioned officer to the side and calmly asked about the situation. I told him that as the senior leader on the ground, it was not his job to actually do all the work. There were other NCOs present and junior enlisted all watching him work. I told him to look around and determine what needed to be done. I wanted him focusing his attention on the most important task and delegate the others to junior NCOs.

I later learned the leader felt he had been chewed out. He was a new senior NCO and never had the experience of interacting with a leader at my level in the field. This individual and I had known each other for several months. We had a number of leadership development sessions. However, it was his first time as a Senior NCO leading troops in the field. What was intended to be a simple coaching session, was perceived as a reprimand. Reactions can show you how the other person perceives what you say. The example show it is not always easy for leaders to perceive.

Barriers

There are two types of barriers to verbal communication, physical and psychological. Of the two, the first is easiest to recognize and overcome. The later applies to the sender and receiver. Physical barriers are things we can see and hear that interfere with the transmission and receiving of messages between people. Examples include, things we recognize as barriers such as walls, and divider. It helps to be in the same room to be on the same page. Noise in the area is another common barrier. We have a white noise machine to help mask confidential conversations in my office. Sometimes, they mask the conversation between two people who should be talking. In our modern age, technology also inserts physical barriers. If you are engaged in a phone call or video conference and the system has problems, it is often difficult to understand what others say. Most of these barriers can be overcome. Genrally the means to fixing them is evident.

Physical barriers are easy to recognize. Solutions to overcome physical barriers are simple. Psychological barriers are harder to recognize and overcome.
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Psychological barriers are not so clear. There are two parts to psychological barriers; those of the sender and those of the receiver. There are a variety of causes, including lack of trust, the most common. Additional barriers include lack of confidence of the sender or receiver, overconfidence, and stuff happening outside the conversation such as problems at home or with other co-workers. Google found that overcoming psychological barriers is the single biggest thing leaders can do to develop winning teams. Unlike physical barriers, leaders cannot see psychological barriers, but with careful listening, you may hear the other person’s barriers in their responses. However, recognizing and overcoming your own psychological barriers is an even bigger challenge.

Process

Process is the actual act of communicating. It begins when you recognize want to send a message to others. You develop the message through encoding, selecting the timing, words, and tone. Transmitting the message is the act of speaking. The next step is receipt by the other. Remember, the other begins receiving the message as soon as they detect your non-verbal cues that a message is coming their way.

Within receiving, there is a subcategory of listening. As a leader, you should consider the four levels of listening. Listening from habit for information confirming what you know. Listing from outside when you notice differences from what you know and what is new. Listening from within the other develops empathy. Listening from the source when you connect to the future and generate new ideas (Scharmer, 2020).

The first step in decoding is listening. Listening influences how messages are decoded. Decoding also has to overcome physical and psychological barriers. Decoding and barriers interfere with how the intended message is heard and understood. Therefore, you need to seek responses and feedback.

Responses and feedback provide you information about how well the message you intended to send were received. This provides you the opportunity to clarify what you said. Correct misunderstandings. The other may have questions. If you do not receive feedback, it is your responsibility to seek it. Just saying something to someone else does not mean you communicated. Only when you have confirmation the message was received and understood, have you communicated.

Good listening skills improves proper decoding. While listening, notice whether you are confirming, identifying differences, being empathetic, or generating ideas for the future.
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Verbal communication is a common leadership activity. Because it is so common, people barely think about it. Whether you are ordering coffee, conducting a one-on-one, or in a virtual meeting, leaders (including me) say things without thinking. The result is hurt feelings, broken trust, and lack of understanding. All result in reduced productivity and organizational growth. Responsible leaders understand and learn how to use non verbal cues to determine how others receive messages. They recognize barriers and find ways to reduce the impact. They understand the process of transmitting a message and ensuring it is received and understood. Reflect on your intended messages and select impactful words. Observe to determine if your message resulted in the necessary change. Verbal communication is an activity that seems easy on the surface because we have done it for so long. We fail to recognize how hard it is to do well. Take time to learn how to talk better to people so you have greater influence to help them grow and accomplish your organization’s mission.

References

Beebe, S. and Masterson, J. (2000) Communicating in small groups; Principles and practices. (8th Ed.). Pearson. Boston, MA

Duhigg, C. (2016) What Google learned from its quest to build the perfect team. New York Time Magazine. Retrieved from: https://www.nytimes.com/2016/02/28/magazine/what-google-learned-from-its-quest-to-build-the-perfect-team.html?searchResultPosition=1 on 4/26/22.

Oshry, B. (2010) People in context: Part I. The Systems Thinker. Pegasus Communications. Vol. 21, No. 4, May 2010.

Pease, A. (1984). Signals: How to use body language for power, success and love. Bantam Books, Inc. New York, NY.

Scharmer, O (2020) Levels of listening. Handout from Leadership Exchange and Coaching, Cohort 12.

Wickham Jr., J. and Joyce, R. (1983) FM 22-100, Military leadership. Department of the Army. Washington, DC

(C) 2024 Christopher St. Cyr