The Flag No Family Wants but Wave with Honor

A red rectangle on a white background surrounding a blue star. The banner is displayed in the homes of the families who have members serving in the military. During the first and second world wars, it was a banner of honor. No so much during the conflicts in Korea and Vietnam. The banner is proudly displayed again in the windows of families who have members serving in the military. Because less than 1% of our nation’s population serve in the military it is rare to see such banners. Even more rare is the the banner with the gold star instead of blue. It is a banner no family wants. A banner with a gold star instead of blue means that family lost a loved one while serving the country in combat.

What is the story of the gold star? Where did it come from? It seems like the gold star has been a centuries old tradition. However, the tradition only began after the beginning of the Great War of 1914.

The story of the Gold Star begins in Ohio in 1917. CPT Robert Queisser patented a service flag with a red border and blue star to honor his sons serving on the front lines during WWI. Cleveland adopted the flag as a symbol for all families who had sons serving during the Great War. Before long, families who lost sons during the war replaced the blue stars with gold stars. President Wilson is credited with establishing a black armband with a gold star for the mothers who lost sons instead of wearing the tradition black dress during mourning. It does not take much imagination to understand how the gold star from the armband found its way on the service flag replacing the blue stars. Before long, being a gold star family was an unwanted honor.

Early historical records share rituals armies conducted after battles to celebrate victories and honor their dead. There is no time in battle to reflect upon or mourn those who die. The Soldier must continue to move to achieve the objective of the battle. Even though nations and armies develop formal ceremonies to honor those who die in war, small units also create their own rituals.

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Often those rituals grow out of little habits warrior develop to prepare for battle. They have code words that have great meaning, certain ways of preparing equipment, and even mascots and good luck charms. Men and women who enter battle only have each other to rely on knowing that even if they do everything right it may not be enough to keep away the grim reaper.

Memorial Day grew out of a post American Civil War tradition of decorating the graves of Soldiers who died during the War between the States. Then it was called Decoration Day. Several states and cities lay claim to the title of being the first to start the practice in May. By the time the Great War started, it had become a spring-time tradition across the nation

The Great War changed America in many ways. We learned we could no longer remain an isolated nation. Many of the modern memorial traditions began as a result of the Great War. In addition to the blue and gold star service flags, congress established the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier at Arlington National Cemetery. If you know the history of Arlington, you know the connection to the Civil War and therefore to Memorial Day.

For those who do not know, the property of Arlington National Cemetery was the homestead of GEN Robert E. Lee. While Lee is remembered for his actions leading the rebel army during the Civil War, his service in the United States Army is often forgotten. President Lincoln seized the property for unpaid taxes and began burying dead Union Soldiers there to insult Lee. The front porch of Lee’s former home is still one of the best views of the Washington Mall.

Note there is no star by Edward E. Cross.
Photo by Autor

As I began to prepare this piece on the symbol of the Gold Star I was surprised to learn how new the symbol was. As you can see from the references below, my research was all internet based and we all know how reliable the internet can sometimes be. I decided to do a little research on my own. It is common practice on war memorials in communities across our nation to mark the names of service members who died during the war with a star. My community has war memorials dating as far back as the French and Indian Wars in 1754. I ran down to the old monument that stands at the sight of first town meeting house. I noticed there was not a single star beside any names, not even beside Edward Cross who was the commander of the 1st Brigade, 1st Division, Second Army Corps during the Battle of Gettysburg where he was injured on July 2rd 1863 and died the following day. No star beside his name yet several monuments around town dedicated to him!

Notice the names with stars.
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When I went to the war monument for WWI, I found the first instances of stars beside names on the honor roll. Clearly this was the time period that the nation began to distinguish those who died in armed conflict while on military service.

To circle back to the beginning of this post, it certanly seems that the story of the Gold Star Banner dates to World War I. CPT Queisser’s flag created to acknowledge the service of his son’s has become a tradition to honor families that have members serving in the military. The Gold Star is an important part of that tradition. As you attend a Memorial Day service this weekend, pay attention for those who wear a Gold Star. Remember to thank them for their sacrifice as you would any living veteran. You see, veterans may be the one who write the blank check up to and including their own life when they join the military but it is the families that have to cash that check. Remember every name on your town’s war monument with a star was the son or daughter of someone. Many had spouses and children. On this Memorial Day please remember not only those who gave all but also those they left behind.

References

American Legion. Blue Star Banner. https://www.legion.org/troops/bluestar 5/22/20

Burdeau, Lisa M. Mourning And The Making Of A Nation:, The Gold Star Mothers Pilgrimages, 1930-1933 April 2002 https://www.vanderbilt.edu/rpw_center/pdfs/BUDREAU.PDF 5/22/20

Cross’ monument in Wilder Cemetery, Lancaster, NH.

Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, Arlington National Cemetery. shttps://www.arlingtoncemetery.mil/Explore/Tomb-of-the-Unknown-Soldier

Fine Tuning the 10 Minute Rule

The ten minute rule for changing habits is like time itself, relative. Ten minutes is not an absolute, rather it is an idea that you can do many things in a short time to change your life or organization.

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I introduced the 10 Minute Rule in my last post. I received some great feedback from readers through private messaging. The feedback caused me to reflect on some finer points not discussed in the original post that help make the rule most effective. This post will focus on using the 10 Minute Rule to build a series of habits into routines and improve retention. The important lesson in this post is that change takes time; whether you are making changes in your life or helping employees make changes in their work lives.

Recognize that during the change process there will be set backs. That is a normal part of change. Developing new habits helps build persistence and resilience but only if you are willing to begin again and forgive yourself and others when initial efforts fall short of success. Developing routines help improve success rates. It takes time to figure out what part of the habit cycle create the conditions for new behaviors to become ingrained habits.

As I began searching for ways to improve my life by changing my bad habits into good habits I found my first attempts failed. I would try to copy what someone I knew and respected was doing. The way they approached a problem was not always a good fit. Instead of throwing in the towel, I made small adjustments until the process was my own.

An early example of a ten minute habit I adopted was developing a time management system. I would often forget appointments, tasks assigned by my boss, and chores I promised to do at home. To be honest, I still do but far less often. After reading 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, I started to carry my version of the Weekly Schedule shown at the end of the chapter on Habit 3: Put First Things First. This was ‘back in the day’ before reasonably priced laptop computers, cellular telephones, and even Palm Pilots. I used a word processor to create a version of the schedule, Xeroxed, and stapled a year’s worth of sheets together. It worked for some time but I found it just wasn’t right.

I began looking at alternatives and eventually found a commercially available calendar system I liked that was affordable. I used that system for many years, but eventually transitioned to a different calendar system that was easier to carry. I now rely on apps I can use with my phone and computer. I suspect I will be using something different in a few years as technology changes along with my preferences. The bottom line is I learned to control my time better which is the first habit you need to change to make other changes.

Calendars help you take control of time to accomplish important things. Find a system that works best for you.

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Not everyone works in an environment where their time is easy to control. If your business is managing crisis, your time is often controlled by others and circumstances. Police officers, emergency room doctors, snow plow drivers, and those in similar professions need to respond to the current emergency. However, even those types of workers have periods during the day when they have control of their time. Plan tasks or projects to work on in those periods which in turn will help you begin to improve your habits. Planning improves execution.

Regardless of the planning tool you use, it only works when you use it. In order to build a house you need tools like hammers and saws and ladders. Just because a person owns a hammer, saw, and ladder does not mean he will build a house or anything else. Nothing will be build until that person picks up some wood, saws it to size then connects it to another piece of wood by using the hammer to drive nails.

In an earlier post I talked about the importance of developing organizational policies. They are important because they establish routines people use to make decisions when confronted by simple and complicated problems. Those routines establish a standard and allow people to figure out how to creatively implement standard answers to common problems. In your personal life you do the same thing with routines. As I began to gain control of my time, I started to study the habits of successful people. I found many had morning routines that helped them become emotionally, physically, and psychologically ready for the day. A common morning routine includes some sort of physical activity, some sort of spiritual or reflective activity, eating a healthy meal, and analyzing and adjusting their schedule for the day.

Likewise I learned that successful people have work routines that help them prepare to do physical, mental, or group work. For example a person might grab a coffee, hit the bathroom, log off their email account, develop a list of tasks to complete during the work session, and shut off the ringer on their phone. A person could write each of those items down on their calendar every day using. Alternatively, one can create a checklist used every time a routine is executed. Using the checklist ensures a person follows the steps necessary to have a successful work session.

Each item on your checklists becomes a habit. Returning to the morning routine, you can decide that when you wake up you want to make your bed, do some sort of morning exercise like walking, or lifting weights, and then eat a healthy breakfast. Start by making your bed. Do that for several days then add the exercise for ten minutes. After several days of exercising in the morning add the healthy breakfast. In this fashion you create a healthy routine that prepares your for your day. By adding only one habit at a time each task sticks better. As you become better at each, you can adjust the time to for those days you have off or have to leave early.

Developing a series of morning habits help create a routine that makes someone more successful all day long.

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I little leadership tip here, you can apply the same activity for a group meeting. The checklist is called an agenda. They help keep everyone focused on the important tasks of the meeting and honor everyone’s time.

As you integrate new habits into your life using the 10 minute rule, understand that the ten minute time is a concept, not concrete. You can make your habits one minute habits like Ken Blanchard did in the One Minute Manager, or 20 minute habits if you need 20 minutes to successfully complete all the tasks of a new habit you wish to adopt. Not everything can be done in 10 minutes.

It is not really possible to prepare a 45 minute lesson for a meeting at work in ten minutes. You can however set aside 10 minutes over several days to prepare the lesson. You will still need at least 45 minutes for your rehearsals and it is essential to do rehearsals in order to be a successful speaker or trainer.

The Ten Minute Rule is a valid method to change and adopt new habits in your life and to help those you lead create change. Remember that the ten minute part is a guideline. That number is not carved in stone. You may find you need to complete several short tasks to develop a new habit. Each may only take a few moments rather than ten minutes. Gradually build each new task over time until each is its own habit and all the tasks come together in about 10 minutes. Some things need more time to complete than ten minutes. The Ten Minute Rule is nothing more than practicing small changes in behavior that make a big difference. The longest journey always begins with a single step. Remember, if you find you failed to maintain a new habit, in about ten minutes you can begin again! Persistence is the key to the 10 minute habit, not time. I challenge you to set aside ten minutes today to begin a new habit that will make your life better. Also take ten minutes to teach those you lead about the Ten Minute Rule.