Tag Archives: becoming a leader

4 Ways to Build Trust

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Building a solid form ensures a concrete cornerstone is strong when cured. Each side of the form is tied to the other three.
-Photo by Rodolfo Quiru00f3s on Pexels.com

Developing trust is the cornerstone of success. Interactions with others become easier when they know they can trust you. We all know when we trust someone else. We think we know what builds trust with others. When asked, however, few people can easily define trust. After some reading and reflecting, I define trust as: a choice to risk something you value to the actions of another based on your belief in their character. In this series, you were introduced to four areas, like the sides of a form for concrete, that helps you build trust with others. Communication was the first side we discussed. People often mistake talking for communication. The next topic was proficiency because when you show you have the ability to accomplish things, others trust you will eventually. Respect and kindness establish credibility with others. Finally, responsibility shows others you will actually do what you say you will do, and care for the things they value. As you work to improve your credibility in each of these areas, others will come to trust you more.

Communication seems simple; it is not. We communicate in many ways with others. Even though electronic communication (like you reading this blog post or any of the comments), seems to dominate modern life, it is not a substitute for face-to-face interactions. When two people interact, there are many levels of communication. Beyond the words spoken, people see and attempt to understand the posture of the speaker, facial expressions, actions with the hands, the tone and speed of the voice. All of these things are part of the communicative experience that is often missing in social media posts. Communication is more than just the words selected, but the words selected are important. In the end, communication often boils down more to how you make the other person feel, rather than the actual message. There are examples of smooth talkers who led hundreds to voluntarily and happily take their lives. Surely there must be ways we can convince others to be happy about cleaning a toilet. We get better at communicating with others by actually attempting to communication with them and seeking feedback. So get out there and talk to another live human being!

Being proficient demonstrates your trustworthiness by showing others you not only know what to do, but you have developed the skills to complete those tasks. Think about when you started your new job. It really did not matter what skills you brought to the job. There were new things for you to learn. It does not matter whether your new job is with a new company or within an organization you currently work; your new job is not the same as your old job, and you have to learn new things. Learn quickly. You will make mistakes. The first step in learning from your mistakes is acknowledging them. Learning is demonstrated when the new mistakes you make are at higher levels of proficiency. While mistakes are expected, trust is built on the idea that a proficient person has systems in place to identify errors and correct them before they become problematic.

To become trustworthy, you create systems to catch your mistakes. You use discipline to work your system. People will learn you are not perfect but because you plan for mistakes and catch them early, they never become problems. You build trust.
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Respect is a demonstration of the value you place on another. When you act disrespectfully to others, they will not like you and they will not respect you. Most importantly, they will not trust you to guard what they value. This distrust causes friction that prevents you from successfully working with that person. It is rare for members of the military to be able to select the person who they will share a foxhole, a tactical vehicle, or a tent. There is no requirement to like another person for you to treat them respectfully. As a senior leader, I once had to deal with a problem of gun crews being split up on a transitional military base during an extended convoy. Several leaders approached me about a requirement for males and females to sleep in different tents. Those leaders expressed concerns that they would not be able to look out for each other. I knew that there were problems in some of the crews. They did not like each other. However, they were like a family that resenting someone else telling them they could not be together. Like bothers and sisters, they argued, but they were still family. Respect is the foundations of the trust that brings them together that way.

Finally, be responsible by doing what you say you will do. Others understand that sometimes things happen that prevent you from keeping promises. When you are rarely complete tasks as promised, you gain a reputation of being a failure. People will not trust you to do what you say you will do. If you find you arrive at someone’s house at 6:15 for dinner, and you were told to arrive at 6:00, and dinner is not served until 7:00, it means that the host does not trust you to arrive on time. They give you an earlier time, anticipating you will be late. Doing what you promise is the culmination of communicating well, being proficient, and acting respectfully. If you say you will do something a certain way, by a certain time, with particular materials, at a specified level of quality, then do it. Caring for the property of others is another way of being responsible. While you may not explicitly promise to care for your work computer, everyone expects you will. Doing what you say you will do is one of the fastest ways you can build trust with others. Make small promises and deliver bigger than the promise. Do this regularly, and others will know they can depend on you to deliver as promised.

When you build your relationships on the trust cornerstone, your trustworthiness becomes well know. You will attract increased power and influence that has staying power. Long after you are gone, people will remember you could be trusted.
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Over the last few posts, I covered ways an individual can develop trust. Trust is the cornerstone of success. You reduce friction with others when they know they can trust you. Trust is a choice to risk something you value to the actions of another based on your belief in their character. Four areas of building trust include communicating, developing proficiency, treating others respectfully, and being responsible. These four areas are like the four sides of a concrete form, allowing you build trust with others. As you work to improve your credibility in each of these areas, others will come to trust you more.

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(c) 2024 Christopher St. Cyr

A Decade of Writing

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Ten years and 135 posts later, some thoughts and reflections…

“Welcome to my blog.” That was how I started my first post ten years ago. You are still welcome here. You will find much more to read than was available then. Browse around. You will note that early on, my posts were more frequent and shorter. As I developed as a writer, I learned two things. I wanted to write in greater depth on each topic than 500 words, my target for each post. I also wanted to post less often, devoting more time to each subject. When I started, I alternated between a post on leadership, and one on developing training for adults. About the time I started writing longer, I realized those who counseled focusing on one thing were right, so I focused on leadership. This allows me to do things like create a series of essays on a single topic. The introduction and conclusion each stand alone as a thesis. The material in between is available for those seeking to dive deeper.

When I started writing, I had over 30 years of leading police officers and Soldiers with some volunteer experience. I’ve since retired my police leadership roles, and will soon retire from the military with a lifetime of experience. I worked with great leaders all over the world in many nations. My work now is leading in the nonprofit sector now. I serve as an Executive Director for one nonprofit, and serve on the board of directors of two others. The principles of leadership apply equally whether leading Soldiers, negotiating with partner nation military leaders, working with legislators, mentoring young police officers, developing a vacant lot into a memorial park, or leading a multidisciplinary team that responds to cases of child abuse. The tactics for each situation change, but the principals are universal. The essays you find here are all based on those universal leadership principals.

If you have been reading my posts for a long time, or this is your first, thank you. Please enter your email in the subscribe field, and my newest monthly posts appear in your inbox. While I may return at some point to publishing more than monthly, I promise I will not sell your email address to others or spam you with frequent, unwanted sales pitches for products or services. My web host offers ways to unsubscribe if you change your mind and no longer want to receive quality leadership lessons from someone tested in combat. You have nothing to lose.

Doing series allows me the ability to plan my writing better, allows me to learn more about the topics, and present information on those topics better. This post interrupts my series on the Three Pitch Rule for communicating as a leader. While I will apologize for the interruption, this seems like a good point in life to stop and reflect on my writing over the last ten years. Reflection is an important leadership and personal growth habit.

The series on communication continues in June. There are three segments remaining, using text and social media in June, communicating with that app on your smartphone that allows you to make voice or video calls, and the wrap reviewing how to use more than one means to communicate with others improving your effectiveness.

I will start a series on strategic planning and execution. Successful organization do more than create strategic plans; they execute those plans and change to meet current needs. Creating an effective strategic plan is not easy. I think I am pretty good at it, but at the end of every cycle, I find how little I really know. Each plan is better than that last. As Eisenhower once said something like, “Plans are nothing, but the planning process is everything.” While there is lots of truth to that thought, plans and planning are useless without action. Strategic thinking, and action are the two things that cause change.

Change is a constant for all leaders. Without change, there really is no need for leaders. Strategic planning ensures your organization remains relevant when everything around it changes. Even if you want your organization to remain unchanged, you need a plan to maintain stability in the face of change.

Few people like change. I offer the following thought on change: would you rather be known in five years as a leader with five years of experience because you grew and changed, or someone with one year experience, five years in a row?

Please continue to read, learn, grow. I always look forward to your feedback in the comments and the contacts. Note that I try to read the real messages in between the tons of spam, but it might be a few days before I see your message. Thanks for your patience.

I enjoyed writing for you over the last ten years. Thanks for reading. I look forward to continuing to provide quality, personally written lessons on leadership, i.e. not ChatGPT. Most of all, I hope readers take something from each essay and implement one thing in their leadership practice. It’s been said that leadership is the most important thing on the battlefield. It is also the most important thing in every other walk of life. Be bold, try something from one of these lessons, learn what works as you lead from the front.

All photos by the author.

(c) 2023 Christopher St. Cyr