Tag Archives: developing character

4 Ways to Build Trust

Posted on by
Reply
Building a solid form ensures a concrete cornerstone is strong when cured. Each side of the form is tied to the other three.
-Photo by Rodolfo Quiru00f3s on Pexels.com

Developing trust is the cornerstone of success. Interactions with others become easier when they know they can trust you. We all know when we trust someone else. We think we know what builds trust with others. When asked, however, few people can easily define trust. After some reading and reflecting, I define trust as: a choice to risk something you value to the actions of another based on your belief in their character. In this series, you were introduced to four areas, like the sides of a form for concrete, that helps you build trust with others. Communication was the first side we discussed. People often mistake talking for communication. The next topic was proficiency because when you show you have the ability to accomplish things, others trust you will eventually. Respect and kindness establish credibility with others. Finally, responsibility shows others you will actually do what you say you will do, and care for the things they value. As you work to improve your credibility in each of these areas, others will come to trust you more.

Communication seems simple; it is not. We communicate in many ways with others. Even though electronic communication (like you reading this blog post or any of the comments), seems to dominate modern life, it is not a substitute for face-to-face interactions. When two people interact, there are many levels of communication. Beyond the words spoken, people see and attempt to understand the posture of the speaker, facial expressions, actions with the hands, the tone and speed of the voice. All of these things are part of the communicative experience that is often missing in social media posts. Communication is more than just the words selected, but the words selected are important. In the end, communication often boils down more to how you make the other person feel, rather than the actual message. There are examples of smooth talkers who led hundreds to voluntarily and happily take their lives. Surely there must be ways we can convince others to be happy about cleaning a toilet. We get better at communicating with others by actually attempting to communication with them and seeking feedback. So get out there and talk to another live human being!

Being proficient demonstrates your trustworthiness by showing others you not only know what to do, but you have developed the skills to complete those tasks. Think about when you started your new job. It really did not matter what skills you brought to the job. There were new things for you to learn. It does not matter whether your new job is with a new company or within an organization you currently work; your new job is not the same as your old job, and you have to learn new things. Learn quickly. You will make mistakes. The first step in learning from your mistakes is acknowledging them. Learning is demonstrated when the new mistakes you make are at higher levels of proficiency. While mistakes are expected, trust is built on the idea that a proficient person has systems in place to identify errors and correct them before they become problematic.

To become trustworthy, you create systems to catch your mistakes. You use discipline to work your system. People will learn you are not perfect but because you plan for mistakes and catch them early, they never become problems. You build trust.
-Photo by Blaz Erzetic on Pexels.com

Respect is a demonstration of the value you place on another. When you act disrespectfully to others, they will not like you and they will not respect you. Most importantly, they will not trust you to guard what they value. This distrust causes friction that prevents you from successfully working with that person. It is rare for members of the military to be able to select the person who they will share a foxhole, a tactical vehicle, or a tent. There is no requirement to like another person for you to treat them respectfully. As a senior leader, I once had to deal with a problem of gun crews being split up on a transitional military base during an extended convoy. Several leaders approached me about a requirement for males and females to sleep in different tents. Those leaders expressed concerns that they would not be able to look out for each other. I knew that there were problems in some of the crews. They did not like each other. However, they were like a family that resenting someone else telling them they could not be together. Like bothers and sisters, they argued, but they were still family. Respect is the foundations of the trust that brings them together that way.

Finally, be responsible by doing what you say you will do. Others understand that sometimes things happen that prevent you from keeping promises. When you are rarely complete tasks as promised, you gain a reputation of being a failure. People will not trust you to do what you say you will do. If you find you arrive at someone’s house at 6:15 for dinner, and you were told to arrive at 6:00, and dinner is not served until 7:00, it means that the host does not trust you to arrive on time. They give you an earlier time, anticipating you will be late. Doing what you promise is the culmination of communicating well, being proficient, and acting respectfully. If you say you will do something a certain way, by a certain time, with particular materials, at a specified level of quality, then do it. Caring for the property of others is another way of being responsible. While you may not explicitly promise to care for your work computer, everyone expects you will. Doing what you say you will do is one of the fastest ways you can build trust with others. Make small promises and deliver bigger than the promise. Do this regularly, and others will know they can depend on you to deliver as promised.

When you build your relationships on the trust cornerstone, your trustworthiness becomes well know. You will attract increased power and influence that has staying power. Long after you are gone, people will remember you could be trusted.
-Photo by form PxHere

Over the last few posts, I covered ways an individual can develop trust. Trust is the cornerstone of success. You reduce friction with others when they know they can trust you. Trust is a choice to risk something you value to the actions of another based on your belief in their character. Four areas of building trust include communicating, developing proficiency, treating others respectfully, and being responsible. These four areas are like the four sides of a concrete form, allowing you build trust with others. As you work to improve your credibility in each of these areas, others will come to trust you more.

References

(c) 2024 Christopher St. Cyr

Building Character on the Cornerstone of Trust

Posted on by
Reply
A strong cornerstone supports the foundation of character.
-Photo by Charles Parker on Pexels.com

Last year, I published a series of articles on developing trust as a leader. But what if you are new in your organization, or you are not in a leadership position, is trust still important? Yes it is. Remember, leadership is not about positions. Leadership is about influence. You earn supervisory positions by demonstrating you are a person of character who possesses an ability to influence others positively. In turn, those people accomplish things that help your organization succeed. In the Cornerstone series, I outlined six areas leaders work on to build trust; only two of them were specific to leaders. The other four apply to anyone trying to build trust. Think of those four areas like the sides of a concrete form. If one is missing, the form fails. The four sides of the form are communication, proficiency, respect, responsibility.

Trust is easy when you meet people you do not know. It is harder when someone comes along with a poor reputation. Trust is also hard to regain when lost. Think about the ancient fable of the scorpion and frog. The scorpion wanted to cross a brook and asked the frog to help. The frog was leery, but the scorpion convinced the frog to trust him. The scorpion said that if he stung the frog in the water, both would die. Part way across, the scorpion stings the frog. When the frog asked why, the scorpion replies stinging is what scorpions do.

Some argue that it is better to live without trusting others. Nothing great ever would have happened without trust between people. Trust is the cornerstone that supports great things. This is the first in a series on developing trust for everyone. There will be one post for each side of the form, and another on regaining trust that was lost. Of course, the series will close with a summary and conclusion.

Communication

Communication is the first side of trust cornerstone and the concrete form. It is such an important skill, I wrote a series on how to improve communication. You can find it here. However, I will also boil down the important points you need to know. Use simple, short sentences with short words. Follow up with others a short time later to ensure they remember what was said.

When people tell you something, ask appropriate questions to ensure you understand what they are saying. I once asked a Soldier I led to light up some people. It was dark and I could not see them. He understood my instruction to apply large quantities of fire to kill those we assembled. He questioned my order, allowing me to clarify my meaning. Soon the people were bathed in the glow of HMMWV headlights I once heard someone say (if I remembered who, they would be credited below), “The problem with communication it people think it happened.”

Proficiency

Work to be the best every day to build trust
-Photo by Budgeron Bach on Pexels.com

Proficiency is simply the measure of how well someone does something. For years, I was a police firearms instructor. Being a firearms instructor requires one to be able to shoot well. Not everyone who shoots well can teach. To be a trusted firearms instructor, a person must be able to both shoot well, and teach others to shoot well. You might be a great teacher, but if you cannot show others how to do the task, they will not trust you.

You gain proficiency by doing things over and over. Having a mentor helps. Many building trades have an apprentice system, where the master teaches the apprentice the tricks of trade. Eventually the skilled apprentice becomes a master and the cycle continues to turn.

This quality is in very short supply today. Treating others respectfully is an element of trust known for thousands of years. Most of us learned the golden rule as children, “Treat others the way you want to be treated.” A newer version is to treat others the way they expect to be treated.

Respect

As the executive director of a small non-profit, I often have a new staff member or intern help me prepare the meeting space before a board meeting. The new person will ask why I take the time to ensure there is a bottle of water, pad of paper, writing implements, and printed handouts at each seat. Interns especially point out that as students, they are expected to bring those things with them to class. I respond that I expect the board members to bring all those things with them also. However, each is a volunteer. Each leads another organization and has lots of other things to think about each day. Providing the little extras each meeting shows respect and gratitude for each board member’s time they dedicate to our cause.

Interns are also prohibited from bringing staff coffee and doing menial tasks other staff are not asked to do. We find meaningful work for our interns that helps them grow and develop the skills to work with us in some capacity.

Responsibility

Responsibility closely parallels proficiency. As one becomes proficient, one become more responsible. A responsible, proficient person requires less supervision because the boss trusts their ability and responsibility. Responsible people ensure they take care of things they promise. They respond to others thoughtfully rather than snapping all the time.

Learning to develop trustworthy habits creates a strong foundation of character that holds up under pressure.
-Photo by Leo Woessner on Pexels.com

A popular way responsibility is measured today is through credit scores. Each of the big credit reporting agencies have their own formulas for weighting your credit worthiness. Each is tied to certain behaviors, such as how timely you pay your bills and your debt to income ratio. Credit reporters scores are nothing more than a numerical system to tell others how responsible someone is with money.

Conclusion

Trust is the cornerstone of character. How you behave tells others how trustworthy you are. You can pour a solid cornerstone by building a strong form with four sides. These sides show others how well you communicate, how proficient you are, how you respect other people, and whether you are responsible. Each of these areas are a matter of disciplined behavior. Jock Willink’s mantra on discipline is simple and true, “Discipline equals freedom.” The more disciplined you are in each of these areas, the stronger your finished cornerstone of trust. With increased trust, you gain influence, allowing you to start to learn to lead others. Use the cornerstone of trust to build your character. Others look for strong character when they want to build great teams. With a strong, trustworthy character, you will always be in demand.