Build Trust by Acting Responsibly

It does not matter how well you communicate, how competent you are, or that you treat others with kindness, if other cannot count on you to be responsible, you will not build trust with them. Responsibility is the fourth side of the Trust Cornerstone. There are several facets of responsibility. The first is doing what you are supposed to do. The second facet is doing what you say you will do. Next, take care of the property and resources entrusted to you. The fourth facet is strengthening the other trust competencies that will cause you to fail. The final facet of responsibility is predictability.

person holding a puppy up. caring for puppies requires responsibility.
Every child wants a puppy. Most parents worry the child will not be responsible for the young dog’s needs. Pets are one way a child can learn to be responsible. This photo also illustrates the point of why being responsible builds trust. Dogs know who to trust in the family, the person that always takes care of them. People are like that too. They know who they can trust to be responsible and who is not.
-Photo by Leah Kelley on Pexels.com

In his book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, the first habit Steven R. Covey discusses is the habit of being proactive. He breaks the word “responsibility” into “response-ability”. In every moment, each of use as the ability to choose our response. In that little space between response and ability, we decide what ability we want to use to respond to what ever faces us at that moment. When others are not around, we can choose to do what we know should be done, or something else. In those moments when no one is watching, you can choose to do the work that is expected of you, or surf the internet reading blog posts or watching random videos. Responsible people, people who build trust with others, complete the tasks that are expected of them. In that moment when they can choose to goof off or complete an expected task, they choose to complete the task.

Following closely on the heels of doing what you are supposed to do, is doing what you say you will do. Completing tasks as promised is also called follow through. Doing what you promise, tells others you can be trusted to help them achieve goals together. Part of this is also acknowledging short falls and accepting the consequences when something prevents you from completing things as promised. Retired Navy SEAL Jocko Willink says that he became a trusted leader because he promised to complete small things and delivered big results.

An important part of trust is to care for things others entrust to your care. The definition I use for trust is a choice to risk something you value to the actions of another based on your belief in their character. Often that ‘something of value’ is a tangible object. How you car the property of others shows respect for them. Taking good care of other’s property shows you are a responsible person who is ready for assignments of greater trust and responsibility.

a pile of random coins spread across a surface. coins are a symbol of value, something others are willing to entrust to another only after they demonstrate they are trustworthy.
Being responsible means people are willing to make things they value to the care of another.
-Photo by Anthony ud83dude42 on Pexels.com

For example, a grocery store manager asks a new cashier to take a small deposit to the bank. The manger is probably looking for a couple of things. Of course, the first is that all the money is deposited in the account correctly. Additionally, the manage may watch to see how long it takes the employee to complete the task. You can be the manager knows it normally takes 15 to 25 minutes to go to the bank, complete the transaction and return. When the employee returns in 20 minutes with the deposit slip for the correct amount, he created trust with the store manager.

Being a competent person builds trust. When someone is new on the job, they are expected to know little about things. As time passes, bosses expect people to develop proficiency in key tasks. In the previous example of the bank deposit, when the employee returned to the store in a reasonable amount of time, he demonstrated competency in time management. Pay attention to the things your boss or others repeat. People repeat things they consider important. What things does your organization measure? Work on increasing your skills in those areas and you will build trust with your leaders. The stronger you are in the areas the organization considers important, the more you will be trusted. With increased trust comes greater pay, increased privileges, and promotions. While it is always best to build on your strengths, be aware of your fatal flaws. Fatal flaws are those things you really are not very competent but are valued by the organization. Find ways to strengthen those areas to the minimum level of acceptability.

Predictability is an important aspect of trust. As one becomes more disciplined in repeatedly engaging in responsible behaviors, others come to know they can depend on that person. Only through disciplined repetition of responsible behaviors will others come to trust someone can be characterized as responsible. Predictability is a key component of developing a responsible character trusted by others. Discipline requires one to repeat responsible behaviors even on days the person does not feel responsible.

Fortune-teller holding a charm over a table with a candle and tarot cards. Being predictable doesn't require a fortune-teller, but it does build trust.
If you are predictable, people will not need a fortune-teller to know if you are trustworthy. Your previous behaviors do the talking for you. Predictability builds trust.
-Photo by Anete Lusina on Pexels.com

In your neighborhood, you no doubt have a person who is known as a runner because people see her out several times each week running. Another person is known as the great helper because they always offer assistance. Of course, there is also the neighborhood jerk who never has anything nice to say nor ever lifts a finger to help another. All of these characterizations are from repeated behaviors that result in a level of predictability.

Developing responsible behaviors creates trust with others. You develop a reputation of being responsible by doing what you are supposed to do. Responsible people do what they say they will do. Care for things that are entrusted to you, whether those things are someone ease’s time, money, or other resources. Find ways to increase your competence in areas important in your organization. Be predicable through disciplined responsible behaviors especially when you do not feel like being responsible. All these little steps demonstrate to others you are responsible. Responsible people are trusted by others. You will fail from time-to-time, but as you continue to work on these skills, you find ways to make being responsible, easier. In turn others trust you more. You become responsible simply by deciding you are going to do something a responsible person would do. It is a choice only you can make in any and every situation in life. Make the right choice. Be responsible.

References

  • Bossidy, L. & Charan, R. (2002). Execution: the discipline of getting things done. Crown Business. New York, NY
  • Brooks, D. (2015). The road to character. Random House, New York, NY.
  • Covey, S (1989). The 7 habits of highly effective people. Fireside. New York, NY.
  • St. Cyr, C (2021). Trust: the cornerstone of leadership. Blog post. Retrieved from https://saintcyrtraining.com/2021/11/30/trust-the-cornerstone-of-leadership/ on 1/22/24
  • Willink, J. & Babin, L. (2015). Extreme ownership. St. Martin’s Press. New York, NY.

(c) 2024 Christopher St. Cyr

Kindness and Respect Build Trust

Woman wearing gi bows towards the camera. Bowing is an eastern way of showing respect to another. Respectful behaviors build trust.
In martial arts, competitors show respect for each other by bowing at the beginning and end of each match.
-Photo by RDNE Stock project on Pexels.com

If you want to build trust, treat people with respect, and kindness. These different principles are inseparable. It is difficult to be unkind to someone you respect. It is difficult to be disrespectful when you treat people with kindness. Essentially, follow the Golden Rule of treating others the way you want to be treated. You will build trust.

People recognize kindness and respect through actions, not words. Actions that demonstrate kindness include: holding a door open for someone, offering a positive greeting, writing a short “Thank You” note, speaking respectfully, and listening thoughtfully to another. There are long lists of other kind acts one can perform for others. The point is to be thoughtful in your dealings with others. Try to see your actions through their eyes. Examine how you would feel if someone else treated you the way you treat others.

While actions demonstrate kindness and respect, words have the potential to tell others you do not respect them. For example, you say you are open to having friends from other cultures but everyone in your social circle, looks like you. Your words become suspect. On the other hand, when you say offensive things, you are viewed as an offensive person. The things you say repeatedly reveal your true self. You can never talk your way out of a situation you behave yourself into. However, by changing your behaviors and habits, you may find you also change your thoughts and ideas.

Provide positive feedback to others. Praise demonstrates you value the work and worth of those people. While many argue written thank you cards are history, write one to someone and see where it ends up. I commonly find thank you notes I write to others prominently displaced in their workspace. A multidisciplinary team I belong to, has a practice of beginning meetings by expressing gratitude for work of team members from one discipline. The practice of gratitude opens opportunities you never could envision. People become more receptive when you offer ways they can improve, if most of your communication is otherwise positive.

Two women meeting at a table.
Treating others kindly creates positive feelings. Positive feelings improve outcomes and results. Quality results build trust with others.
-Photo by Anna Shvets on Pexels.com

Respect is a demonstration of concern for the well-being of another. These demonstrations are personal and meaningful to the receiver. For example, as a new employee, your paycheck is two hours short so you talk to your boss. Your boss is polite and promises to take care of it. When you receive your next paycheck, not only did you not receive the two hours from the prior pay period, this check is also two hours short. Your boss treated you politely and kindly, but by cheating you out of four hours of pay, he failed to demonstrate genuine concern for your well-being. You probably are not feeling very respected.

This story shows that respect is more than just being kind or polite. Respect involves taking actions that show concern for others. Examples include things like providing resources to someone who is struggling such as a neighbor with a sick child, giving time to help someone learn a new skill, following up on a promised action to ensure it was completed, and finishing projects on time. All these actions demonstrate concern for other people. There is no requirement to agree with the other person. You do not have to like the other person. Respectful behaviors create space for conversations about differences without creating fear or hate.

Demonstrations of kindness and respect lead to the dignified treatment of others, which builds trust. Many argue that respect is something that is earned, not deserved. A good number of years ago, it was written that everyone was created equal. If you believe Jefferson was right, then it means everyone is entitled to the same level of respect you expect for yourself. When you treat everyone with respect and kindness, you increase the positive responses you receive from others. People will like you more than those who act like jerks. That means you will be trusted more than those that are disliked. The increased level of trust you receive from other people increases the chances you will receive better assignments, more pay, favorable pricing, and other tangible and intangible benefits.

Two men shaking hands across a table. Kind behaviors like shaking hands builds trust.
Kind, respectful behaviors build trust with others. When you treat those you dislike with the same level of kindness as those you like, you create a culture of respect which builds trust.
-Photo by fauxels on Pexels.com

Once I had a conversation with a senior leader in an organization commenting on how hard it was to get all the other senior leaders to move in the same direction. He replied that it was easier to gain their cooperation when they liked and trusted you. This surprised me somewhat, as that particular organization had a culture that it was better to be respected than liked. He said there were lots of people in the organization he did not like. Still, he had to work with them, so his feelings did not matter. He said if he was doing his job well, no one could tell who he really liked and who he disliked. That is because regardless of whether he liked someone, he treated everyone with respect, kindness, and dignity. Feelings are private. Behavior is public.

Treating people with respect and kindness costs nothing. Given everyone is created equal, everyone deserves to be treated with respectful kindness. Even though your respectful behavior cost nothing, the behavior pays dividends. Respect and kindness are the lubricants in human interactions that create a positive environment to achieve great results. Those behaviors tell others you are trustworthy, which in turn creates opportunities not available to those with lower levels of trust. Treating people you do not like with kindness is hard. No great achievement is easy. Do the hard work of treating people with respect and kindness, even those you dislike. Your actions will build trust with them allowing both of you to succeed.

/————– References —————-/

Duhigg, C. (2014). The power of habit. (Kindle Ed.) Random House Trade Paperbacks.

Jefferson, T. (1776). Declaration of independence. U.S. National Archives. Retrieved from https://www.archives.gov/founding-docs/declaration-transcript on 12/20/2023

Kristenson, S. (2022). 13 ways to show respect for others in your everyday life. Happier Human webpage. Retrieved from: https://www.happierhuman.com/show-respect/ on 12/19/23

Maxwell, J. (2005). 25 ways to win with people. Thomas Nelson, Inc. Dallas, TX.

Sellg, M (2017). 16 easy acts of kindness to practice today. Psychology Today. Happiness webpage. Retrieved from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/changepower/201711/16-easy-random-acts-kindness-practice-today on 12/18/2023

Tilley, J [12thSMA]. (December 15, 2023, 9:29 am). The timeless ideology of Commitment vs Compliance. For me, the difference between compliance and commitment is straightforward. FaceBook post. Retrieved from https://www.facebook.com/12thSMA on 12/20/23

Vago, S. (2009). Law and society (9th ed.). Pearson, Prentice, Hall.

(c) 2023. Christopher St.Cyr