Tag Archives: Building Trust as a Leader

Build Trust by Acting with Respect and Compassion

Posted on by
1
Showing compassion and respect builds trust with others as a leader
-Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Treating others with respect and compassion helps leaders build trust. Respect is a public aspect of building trust, it is something everyone sees. Treating others respectfully builds trust and powers your ability to influence people positively. When you behave consistently, demonstrate courtesy, and are candidly compassionate, others perceive you as a caring leader that values relationships and results through respect.

Consistent behavior means respectfully consistent. Blowing up every time you receive bad news is consistent, but it fails to treat the messenger respectfully. When you consistently blow up, people stop telling you bad news. The news does not change. Delays reduce your ability to influence a positive outcome. You lack important information necessary to make good decisions. While consistency is important, so is courtesy.

Courtesy is simply using good manners. Say please and thank you. Show genuine gratitude when people do nice things for you. Open doors, stand when someone enters your office, put a smile on your face. Being grumpy does not improve situations; grumpiness aggravates situations. One expert leader greets bad news with one simple four-letter word, GOOD. He accepts bad news as good news because there is some positive aspect in every situation.

Imagine how your follower would respond if your consistent response to bad news is simply, “Good”. Your positive response to bad news has positive consequences. Your people are more comfortable knowing you will not destroy them, reducing their anxiety. You are in a better place, which enables you to see more positive responses to select. The positive view creates a better outcome.

Candor is often portrayed as a bad thing. Leaders are leery of telling others about their weaknesses because they become defensive. Followers take pride in their candor by bragging about how they, “Speak truth to power.” Many leaders lack the skills required to confront inappropriate behavior and performance. Instead, they avoid it, or they blow up on the person. These responses are inappropriate, show lack of trust in the other to receive bad news, and are down right disrespectful. If these conversations were easy, everyone would do it. What sets a leader apart is their ability to have tough conversations with people about hard topics in a way that builds trust rather than tearing down the person. These conversations include talking to leaders, peers, and followers. The best way to approach these conversations is to keep two goals in mind, building up the person and achieving the best positive result.

In order to have trusting conversations about difficult topics, leaders need to consider the issues before the conversation. That means you need to set aside time to evaluate the behavior against established standards. Focus on the behavior, not the person. Remember, most people come to work or volunteer for an organization because they want to do well.

Leaders have tough conversations, so others perform better, which results in earned respect and trust from their peers
-Photo by Helena Lopes on Pexels.com

Likewise, when I sit down with a follower to discuss performance that fails to meet expectations, I have a plan to help them map a route to be successful. I sit with employees to discuss why they failed to receive a promotion, and even job applicants about why they did not receive a job. I coach them to prepare better for future opportunities. Taking this time shows you respect them as a person, even though their efforts fell short of the desired outcome. These hard conversations, executed skillfully, create trust because they hear the truth, at least from my point of view.

Leaders build trust by treating everyone with dignity and respect. A measure of a person’s genuine respect is the old waiter rule. The rule is, a person who treats a waiter like a respected member of the party s/he is dining with, likely treats all others with respect. People distrust others who only demonstrate respect when that person can do something for them. Genuine respect is shown even to those who can do little or nothing for you.

An often overlooked way to show respect is to be loyal to those who are not present. Keep their confidences. When others start to belittle and degrade others who are not there; you know, talking behind their back; do not engage. You have three choices that will build, or at least not decrease, trust. The first is to not participate in the denigrating discussion. The second is to stand up for the person in some way. If your first two actions do not discourage the conversation, leave.

These things are not easy. I learned the hard way why they are important. Eventually, word of this type of talk always finds its way to the subject of the gossip. I found even when not participating and just trying to be a good listener to someone venting ends up being portrayed as siding with the speaker. If someone genuinely needs to vent, and you need to be the person who listens, find a private place and keep it between you and the other person. Part by encouraging the person to find a way to forgive the other and find a positive way to engage the other in a conversation about the affront.

A final way to show respect is to keep confidences. In the communication post, I discussed having open, honest communication with people. I stand by that important value. There are times when information is not yours to share. Know when to keep your mouth shut. Someone should not have to tell you not to tell others what they are about to share. If you are trustworthy, you are a good judge about what to share and what to hold close. Close hold conversations include those venting sessions others have with you in private. When you rush back to tell the person discussed how the other feels, both know you cannot keep a confidence. You demonstrated you do not respect their privacy.

Feeling and emotions are irrational. They are real, even if the facts do not support them.
-Photo by Anni Roenkae on Pexels.com

A compassionate, respectful leader knows sometimes people have to express their feelings. Mature individuals understand there are times, their feelings are without merit. Feelings are funny things, they happen outside our conscious thought process. People who recognize their feelings are unjust still have those feelings. They also know that talking with a trusted confidant can help them make better sense of those feelings. When you violate that confidence, you hurt both people in addition to violating their trust.

You build trust when you treat others with respect and compassion. Your respectful behaviors are a public expression of the example you set and how you value others. Respectful behaviors provide increased influence because it builds trust with people. Consistent, predictable behavior that demonstrates compassion and respect shows you are a caring leader that values relationships and results. Work on improving your predictability and respectful actions, and you will build trust and influence.

/—— References ——-/

(c) 2022 Christopher St. Cyr

Building and Maintaining Trust

Posted on by
Reply
If character is the foundation of leadership, trust is the cornerstone of the foundation.

In an earlier post http://bit.ly/2N0pCwi I proposed that the foundation of leadership was character. I still believe that to be true. Character is the sum of your habits that tell others what you value. Leaders should adopt habits so others know they value their organization’s guiding principals. Organizations make a big deal out of their organizational values or guiding principals because those behavior are what they want the world to think the organization represents. Rarely do people talk about the corner stone of the foundation. However, if character is the foundation of leadership, trust is the cornerstone. If trust is so important, you have to wonder how do you develop and maintain trust. Like being a good leader, developing and maintaining trust takes effort.

Trust often exists in new organizations whether a company, team, or partnership. The same principal applies when new people join an organization; for the most part they are trusted. People generally trust each other. In spite of the warnings our parents gave us as children, and we as parents admonish our children, people trust strangers. That is one reason scammers are successful. Even scammers are trusting of others. Just watch any of James Veitch’s Scamalot videos on YouTube or Mashable to see him scam the scammers. The scammers trust him to do what he says he will do, well, until they realize he is jerking them around.

Humans learn to trust early. Trust is an important survival tool learned in families and with friends.

Trusting one another, family, friend, or co-worker is an important human quality. Early humans had to rely on each other to survive. As a result our brains developed to release certain hormones when we trust and cooperate with other people (Sinek, 2014, pp 33-38). Someone had to guard the existing provisions while another group went to hunt. The guards had to trust the hunters to hunt. Hunters had to trust the guards to protect what little they already gathered.

Today we have the same need to rely on others to survive and thrive. Military commanders rely on their higher headquarters to coordinate resources they require to accomplish missions. They also rely on subordinate commanders to execute tasks without direct supervision as well as their peers to their left, right, and above (l mean in the air over the battlefield) them. Each risks potentially life threatening tasks with little but a promise that those around him or her will complete their tasks and the others rely on that commander complete his or hers.

During World War I Major Charles Whittlesey found himself in command of his 1st Battalion of the 308th Infantry Regiment along with attachments from other 77th Division units in a pocket behind enemy lines. The plan was that the division would attack to a phase line with several units on line and in mass to overrun the German trenches. As the attack progressed the units on Whittlesey’s flanks began to break and retreat. Commanders on his flanks warned him they had lost contact with units to the regiment’s left and right. Division headquarters assured Whittlesey several times during the attack his flanks were covered. He reached his objective that day, but was the only American unit to do so. The Germans restored their lines by the end of the next day and surrounded the 1-308th(+). Whittlesey trusted Maj. Gen. Alexander when he continued to press the attack. In spite of that let down, he continued to trust that the General would find a way to relieve them. Alexander had sent for reinforcements, but only a small number reached Whittlesey’s position before they were cut off from the Allied lines.

LTC Whittlesey receives his Medal of Honor. He trusted his senior leaders would relieve him and his Soldiers. He encourages his Soldiers to also have faith in their comrades efforts to come to their aid bolstering their trust.

Whittlesey established a strong defensive position and encouraged his men to fight well and have faith they would be relieved. His phone lines had been cut off by the Germans requiring him to rely on carrier pigeons to communicate with his regiment and division. The Soldiers of the 308th fought through six days of repeated German attacks rather than surrendering. They trusted their fellow Soldiers would fight their way forward to relieve them. In the movie version of this story, Major Whittlesey tells his junior leaders that they will win the battle. He trusted MG Alexander would be determined to relieve them. Whittlesey was right. Alexander trusted that Whittlesey would hold out as long as he could. Alexander used the Lost Battalion to motivate other units to fight hard. He continued to pressure the German lines to reestablish contact with Whittlesey and his men. The Germans could not continue to stand against the pressure on the lines while also trying to dislodge the 308th. The 77th Division broke through and finally relieved Whittlesey and the men of the 308th Infantry (Durr, 2018 & Carabatsos, 2001).

In this example there was lot of reason not to trust, but leaders did trust each other. The leaders passed along their trust to the Soldiers. The result was an Allied victory in the Argonne Forrest that led to the cease fire several weeks later on November 11, 1918.

As Veitch’s Scamalot videos show, sometimes it is easier to trust strangers than people we already know. Strangers have yet to do anything to cause us not to trust them. We know the flaws of those around us which may cause us to not trust them as much a those strangers. This is where leadership happens. Establishing trust is easy. Maintaining trust within existing organizations takes the most work. It would have been easy for Major Whittlesey to surrender and stop trusting his commanders. They had let him down by not telling him the truth about the other units falling to the rear.

Trust, like solid stone, can erode over time. Leaders recognize factors that cause trust to erode. They make small corrections and repairs along to prevent the foundation from collapsing.

Trust erodes as people are unwilling or unable to live up to expectations. Jim is unable to complete a project on time because Pam did not budget enough money to complete her assigned task. Pam did not know the task would cost that much because she relied on a vendor’s quote. The vendor was out of stock so Pam had to order from another supplier and request additional funding. Both took more time than planned and jammed up Jim. Now the manager does not trust either of them, and neither Jim nor Pam trust each other. None of the people in this story intended to behave unethically. The vendor did not predict Pam’s order and ran out of stock. Pam trusted the vendor had a good supply of what she needed. Jim trusted Pam had checked out the vendor. Michael, the manager, trusted Jim could lead the project and complete it on time and within budget.

On the surface keeping trust is simple. As the above example shows it only takes a small mistake to lose trust. However if people live by the organizational principals, difficult situations can be navigated so lessons learned are applied in the future. People have to take responsibility for their mistakes. Leaders have to forgive those mistakes and reestablish trust.

It is easier to make small repairs when trust is breached than to try to rebuild trust after things fall in around you.

Leaders are responsible for building and maintaining trust. They do this in several ways. Leaders define their organization’s guiding principals through regular communication, education, and setting the example. Leaders allow others to make mistakes, analyze what went wrong, and learn how to avoid those mistakes in the future. The final step for leaders is to allow the employee to try again. Doing so shows he still has trust in the employee and has faith he will succeed. Leaders respectfully share employee mistakes so others learn what not to do. You do this by setting them up as the new subject matter expert. Employees rarely act to sabotage you and the organization. If they do, you need to take appropriate disciplinary steps which also establishes that you can be trusted to make hard choices.

There are times when bad things happen out of the leader’s control. When handled poorly, those events destroy trust between key players. Rebuilding trust is difficult. Leaders ensure trust is rebuilt after a crisis. There are several ways to reestablish trust such as using some sort of mediation process to settle disputes between aggrieved parties; reassigning people to new positions to reduce friction; terminating those who willfully violated the organization’s guiding principals; training about roles, responsibilities and shared values; or celebrating victories through teamwork over extreme challenges. Regardless of the reason trust has been lost, it is the leader’s responsibility to regain trust within the organization. The leader takes action allowing others to regain trust.

Trust is the cornerstone of character, the foundation of leadership. Leaders are responsible to establish and maintain trust in their teams and organizations. Often it is easier to trust a stranger than the person you worked with for years because of many large and small transgressions violating trust. Trust however is the force that inspires others to do more than they thought they could do. Leaders consistently communicate organizational guiding principals and live those principals as a model for others to follow. Leaders keep open lines of communication to detect the earliest signs of mistrust to do what is necessary to repair transgressions. Sometimes leaders have to face the fact that someone deliberately did something wrong for selfish reasons and needs to be separated from the organization. While rare, failing to take such action causes increased distrust. Leaders allow honest mistakes by reviewing causes and effects with employees and developing means to correct those mistakes. They treat the mistakes as a learning opportunity for everyone which shows respect and builds trust. Like Soldiers on a battlefield surrounded, without food, water or ammunition, organizations with strong ties developed by trusting relationships can accomplish deeds that seem impossible. Trust is the strong cornerstone of every leadership foundation.

References

Photo Credits

  • Cornerstone by the author CC attribution no commercial
  • Trusted adult by Liane Metzler from unsplash.com, used with an Unsplash license
  • Award ceremony LTC Whittlesey from the National Archieves
  • Eroded stone by the author CC attribution no commercial
  • Reconstruction by Milivoj Kuhar from unsplash.com used with Unsplash license